I've finally realised why I've been so down lately...
The sense of unwanted, loneliness, leftout???
Not that everyone around me is treating me this way...
But just that the one I wish for does...
How I wish my presence is been felt... wanted...
But I just don't feel that at all...
Maybe its just me? Maybe not...
Right now... I don't even know who I like...
I only know I've been clinging onto a love that was never meant to be...
Felt so tied up...
How I wish I can get free from it...
Lead a happier life?
Been trying so hard...
But once I saw photos and words been spoken...
I tend to think back...
Its making me vexed...
Though I don't really show it in my face...
Giving a laugh to it... Smiling away...
But all are fake if I say it doesnt matter...
Am always living in a faking world...
I wanna live in realistic...
I don't wanna fake my life through... I wanna be real...
I want my happiness being real... not faking out...
Maybe this is why I doesn't like to... smm..smile...
I wanna break out from the past... OUT!!!

Sigh... Felt so empty recently...
Confused little mini me...

Where are you my angel of guidance...?

Ha... Just got my PC Show working pay...
279 in total...
Only $79 commission earned...
Very little lor...
But am still feeling damn broke la...
Don't know why...
Maybe cos' I couldn't go oversea for holiday...
Feeling kinda frustrated with myself...
I wanna have a get away...
To langkawi, redang or even tioman...
But who wanna go with me...
Sigh...
I don't have oversea trip friends leh...
Those that can go oversea and really have fun with with no limits...
Cos' I hate staying in the hotel room...
How I wish I have a girlfriend...
So can go oversea together...
Thinking of it... It make me feel so warmth and happy and relaxing...

I wanna go oversea before University starts...
Any buyers???
Let me know...
Most probably Redang...

Picture of past events


On the way to Marina Bay for BMTC gathering.
This pic make my leg look long... Lol...


Sentosa 100607 (ORD Date)

Guess who's this guy... Can't say their names since they
said no names is allow... Ha.


Me after tanning... Face damn red la... Can see?
My new pair of slipper I bought from City Square; Malaysia JB.


JB Trip 090607

Can you see that? Student FREE!!!
The KTV is damn big la...


The room is damn big too!!!
Pulled down by my friend la... Accidentally...
Ha..

ORD Dinner 230507

ATTC Drivers... All in Pink except one la... KNS!!!


Weili & me.
The all pink guy... Head to toe...


Me 1st time in pink la...
Sianz!!!

The Stars...





Anyway that's all folks...
Stay tuned...

What's the time now...
Almost 2am...
Am still here...
Cos' I just got home...

Today was sooo tiring...
Not very fun though...
Just relaxing and tired...

Morning went Sentosa like planned...
Tanning at palawan beach...
Swam quite a bit in the sea...
Got fried...
Looking like a lobster once more...
Yum yum...

Rush home after tanning...
Rush for BMTC Section gathering at Marina South...
Steamboat at Zhen Fa... Again... Boring... Sianz...
Billard after that...
Walk all the way to Marina square take cab back.
Ended home now.

Still haven't sleep...
Blogging now...
Photos be updated tomorrow...
So tired now...
Wanna sleep soon...
Real soon...

Goodnight...


P.S. Com Java got problem...
Can't post nor edit...
Damn... need use different com.

Woah... Been looking back at my posts...
I think am really crazy recently...
Damn mood swing...
Don't know why...
Gotta wake up...
Clear all of my thoughts...
And I'll be better...
Yeah am better now...
No worries...
Look on the bright side of life...

Hmmm... How was today?
Well... nothing much...
Just came back from JB not long ago...
So tired man...
Meet at 9.30am... travel in took us an hour...
Went city square...
Ktv... at Neway...
RM12 for K Lunch, and I ordered Chicken Chop Combo.
Total cost me RM23, Cheap right...
Damn Cheap la I would say...

But event of the day kinda boring la...
Ktv... walk around city square, travel to JUSCO Tebrau Cit,
Dinner at Taman Sri Tebrau... Seafood... Yeah!!!
Last stop city square again...

As you can see its nothing much...
Just walking around... and travelling in cab...
That is ok... But the problem is I don't even have enough time to shop...
Everyone just walk without waiting... Sigh...
But I managed to steal time and get a pair of slipper...
Finally I have a beach slipper... can wear go Sentosa...
Woohhuuu!!!
Gonna wear it tomorrow to palawan beach...
Oh yeah... Tanning.... I'm loving it...
Missed Sentosa sooo.... muchy...
Didn't go there for weeks...
Finally am stepping foot in it again...
This time with a fatter tummy.... OMG!!!
Am gonna train very hard now... Once more!!! Lol...

Gotta end here now... will update the pics next time...

LEFTOUT

No one to talk to me today...
Felt so lonely again...
MOOD SWING!!!
Actually not really mood swing...
Something just happens all the time to me...
I can't endure it any longer!!!
Should blast out in laugher or cry?
Feeling seems so mixs up inside of me...
Feel like shouting out now...
What's wrong with this goddamned world!!!
What have I done wrong to deserve this..!!!
Okay... I couldn't do that now...
Am home... Mum will bring to woodbridge if I did it.
Sigh...

Seriously am just so damn fucked up...
I don't know why...
It just happens all the times...
Am I in the wrong? Am confused...
What have I done...

Since secondary, once I found my group of true friends...
I've always tried to entertain them, listen to their problems,
have fun together, etc...
I've been so good to everyone around me...
Never fail...
What I get in returned...
Negligence... I'm been neglected...
Am always the last one to be informed about things...
Or not even informed till I asked!!!


Today there's already a few incidents...

1. Gathering by BMTC section at marina bay on sunday.
I wouldn't have know if not for Kenny who actually asked me...
The reason of me not knowing is forgot to call me...
All but me... why just me? Why am I the one leftout?
Obviously am not even in their heart!!!

2. I only got to know of tomorrow's JB trip...
I've been asking weeks ago...
Only today then I know about it...
Plus am the last one again...
When everyone else know of the date and time and venue...

3. After getting IC. The plan next I wasn't told too till I asked...
Again everyone know it gonna be movie...
Again and again and again...
Am the last...

List would never end if I don't stop...
Guess I should stop...
Just that...
Really don't know why...
What I've done???
Am always the person who try to inform people about things once I know.
Event time venue... Even cancellation...
There's even times am not known of cancellation...
Argh!!!

Another thing is why no one ask me out...?
Am so free at home rotting...
People just go out with themselves without even calling me...
Asked them... Replies: " You won't wanna go one la..."
How would you know if you never asked?!?!?
Obviously they don't even care about me...!!!

Argh!!!
Why my life so screwed?
Why my life so damned?
Why my life so fucked?

So....
LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT
LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT
LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT
LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT
LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT
LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT
LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT so... leftout..

P.S. Never appreciated...
This is why I hate this world...

Mr LoneR walk this earth alone...
Would you acknowledge me if I love you?
Would you love me if I love you?

Guess tomorrow is what day?

Its ORD Day LOR!!!

Hohoho...

Hao li ke!!! (Ok this is random.. Ha!)

Finally 2 years of yearning...

My FREEDOM is back...

Oh... YES!!! FREEDOM...

Justice Gundam wait for me...

I'll operate my freedom mobile suit to save you...

And lets save the earth together...

Waahaha...

Ok... Don't know why I came out with this...

Haha... Random random...

Guess I'm in a random mood now...

Geezzz...

Guess am just happy to get back my pink IC...

Erm... no leh... Don't really feel so happy...

Aiya... don't know why...

Sigh...

Why am I sighing most of the time??

Getting old.... I think...

About my 4th June post...

Shirley was like asking me this...

" Who is that girl..."

" Is it her..."

She is suspecting something...

(Its kinda obvious with the pic I guess)

But all I did was...

"SECRET"

Haha...

Why???

Well... Just don't feel like saying...

Cos' What if it is and What if it isn't???

Will there be any difference...

I just feel there won't be any...

No space for me I guess...

Heart won't change easily though...

And things may get awkward...

(But I do hope things would turn out differently.. Ha

But I it won't cos' never have been different

From what I feel :(

Ok I know am pessimistic but am only this way

When comes to such things...)

Anyway let nature take its course...

(Help appreciated... Nah...)

P.S.

Today my blog finally a little bit lifelier...

All thanks to priscilla letting my url being known...

Ha...

Bitching Corner happens to be bitched by the pc show gang.

Got no idea why am I here...

My brain is just so empty now...

BRAINLESS...

I can't get my brain to function properly...

Having this weird feeling inside too...

Just like when you get choke and can't breathe...

Think my brain is currently low on oxygen...

Need HELP... Brain on low oxygen...

NEED HELP!!!

NEEDDD HHEEELLLPP!!!

Someone save my brain...

P.S. My blog still seems so lonely.

No one even care to bitch at the bitching corner.

Sigh...

I missed the working days at PC show...

Missed all the people there...

Especially these 3 girls..

Jasmine, Shirley and Priscilla...

I'd never been so crazy around with girls.

Talking crap and nonesense.

Jasmine is the craziest one around there.

Always come out with stupid jokes and stuffs.

And funny actions...

When looking at her I just wanna laugh at her.

Just like a little girl to me...

Shirley would be the serious one.

But the one lack of motivation I would say.

Need someone to motivate her.

Priscilla would be the sleepy face...

And she gave me this stupid nick.

LAM face (Laugh At Me face)

And Jasmine said I'm comical look...

Do I look that way?

Anyway no matter what they say,

They just make me feel wanted for once...

I felt so happy...

Now work had stopped..

Am back home again...

Being alone again...

Loneliness just fills my heart again...

This unwanted feeling starting to drown me again...

I really wish that the work is longer instead of 4 days only...

Sigh....

Anyway don't think the pc show people know I miss them...

Cos' none of them will ever visit my blog too.

My blog is as lonely as me...

Only a few visitor a day...

I wanna start Uni soon...

Can't wait to be around friends...

I just hate the feeling of being alone...

Unwanted

:(

More tests...

Got nothing to do... so did another test.Cool right...

Your Birthdate: December 7

Calm and understated, you struggle to express your love with words. Over time, your partner learns to recognize your passion by the actions you take. You're good at wooing someone slowly, without them even realizing it! Number of True Loves You'll Have: 1 Number of Times You'll Have Your Heart Broken: 2 You are most compatible with people born on the 7th, 16th, and 25th of the month.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean For Your Love Life?

Haha... 1 true love? I hope so...

Cool!!! I can generate $50,000,000 in life? I wish ah!!! But I'll try!!!

What alcohol are you??

PATRONE You are a laid back and relaxed drinker! Patrone is one of the most finest tequillas known! It also shows you have a very expensive taste on your tongue!!

How do you compare? Take this test! Tests from Testriffic

Expensive taste I have... Ha.. Maybe I'll be rich...

IQ Test

Can't believe I scored so high!!! HAHA!!!

I do not know why am so tired but I woke up early today.

At 9am...
And I could sleep no more.
Been so tired from work.
Was working at the Pc show selling Epson printer.
Worked for 4 days. Yesterday was the last day.
And I'm not used to been having nothing to do again...
Gonna die from boredom...
Cos' its so fun to work at the PC show.
Met quite a few fun people.
Got crazy one, serious one, sweet one, pretty one, and many more.
Its just so fun...
In fact there's someone actually kinda resemble her...

Who is she (figure above)? Well someone I've been liking since I was sec 4. Even now I am.
But I've learnt to let go. Cos' she'll never be meant for me.
She had already a prince charming for herself. A caring and loving one :)

So I've found someone actually resemble her.
During my working days at the PC show.
The feeling she gave me is the same as her too.
The special feeling I had for her actually appears on her too.
Just so so similiar.......
But the age is different. A big 6 years in difference.
Sigh... Is it a big gap? Is she too young for me?
But I have no guts to actually go after her.
I'm just gutless.
Afraid of unable to get her or even lose a friend.
Sigh... I do not know why when comes to girls I really like...
I have no guts...
Why am I so useless....

Guess I'm just trying to escape from failure...
Should I give it a go even if she don't like me?
Or should I just let her pass?

Will regrets fill my heart?

Or am I just liking her cos' she resemble someone?
Think I should just let my feeling settle down for now...
And not to think about anything incase I hurt someone...

Troubled once again after so long...
Sigh....