I'm hurting myself...

Guess my blog will not have any audience now.
But still I'll blog about my feelings...

Looking back into the past posts...
I realised I actually wrote something about L.
And I still have feelings for her back then... but why did I disappear from her life again till recently.
Sigh...
Maybe its fate... Most probably...
And maybe cos' of this, I've learnt to treasure L more now.
Though she told me that feelings are different now, don't wanna have a BF now and wanna be friends.
I still love her...
But I really don't know how to handle the situation now...
Got many advises from friends.
Many told me to play it cool and treat her like normal friend now.
And don't ask her out so often and reject her next request to see me...
Today I tried really hard not to sms her though... but I couldn't do it and I sms her again.
I'm just not strong enough... I can't really control much...
If I do... I'll be hurting myself somehow... cos if I don't sms her... I know I wont get any from her too...
Sigh...

Should I let her go again? Should I just hold on somemore? Should I just become the sucker which other mentioned? Should I just make her happy even am hurting? Should I disappear again?

But seriously I do not want any of the above decision... What I wished for is be able to be with her again....
How I wish I could understand how she feels about me and what she had gone through all these 4 years.
Sigh...

Am just hurting myself more and more when I think of her...
But I just couldn't stop myself from thinking about her... I just miss her so much...
I just Love her alot....


Somehow the phrase my friend told me got me sad more...

"The one you love most might not be the one you'll be with"

This really hurt me alot when I think of this might happen to me...

Sigh...

All I want is to be with L....