1st down day of my life in 2007

Down Down Down...

I'm feeling damn down yesterday...

Sigh...

My first ever depression day in 2007

I asked my dad will he allow me to go New Zealand to study,

know what's the answer he gave me...

"Sell house lor..."

Simply mean "NO"

I was so devastated with the answer...

Cos' he said see how before...

Sigh...

My dream... my lifelong dream is gone just like this...

the passion for the nature and wildlifes...

the passion of become an ecologist...

all gone...

though I know I still can do my part here...

But its totally different in Singapore...

the opportunities is so little

almost equivalent to none...

I really wish I can work in the wild like what late Steve Irwin did...

I wanna be like him...

Save the endangered species...

I could even die for them...

the passion he had...

is what I have...

Things will never be the same if I'm to study locally...

I'll never be happy about my job...

Everything will be so dead fix and boring...

Down Down Down...

And why isn't there anyone that understand me???

always I need someone to hear my problems...

always I'll have my problems compared with others...

At times my good job also been compared to others...

Why must my everything be compared everytime???

I HATE it! I HATE it!! And I HATE it!!!

Why can't they just focus on ME only???

Why must they always involve others into me???

Can't they just show care & concern towards me only???

Can't they just ignore others?

Argh!!!

No one... Just No one in this world understand what I want & need...

Care & concern towards me only...

Its so simple yet no one show me before...

This is the worse part...

Not even my parents do...

My mum ain't that bad at least she talks to us...

My dad...

his just goddamn quiet...

He always complain about stuffs which he never take action about...

Example...

He always complain about my sister spending too much $$$

he just won't talk to her... he'll just nag at my mum...

Shouldn't a father talks to his child...

be it good or bad topics...

Right? Am I right??? Tell me if I'm wrong...

As I grew older... sometimes I feel that he doesn't fit to be a dad...

I had never had a talk with him...

He had never ask us whether everything is okay...

To me a dad should be a role model to his child

by

sharing things together...

be it saddness or happiness...

Just any problems...

But my dad never did...

his always to himself...

Am really sad about this...

If I'm a dad in future...

I'll never let this happens...

not wanting my kids be like me...

Hoping them to be happier than I am when I'm young...

Sigh...

Don't know why I said so much today...

I had never open up things like this before...

This is the first time...

Guess I couldn't take it anymore...

Stored too much inside of me...

Always had to cry inside my heart...

Guess soon I'll just cry in front of everyone...

Depression seems to be part of my life now...

I just hate myself...

my LIFE...

:_(