Man First

I'm hurting myself...

2008-10-06T18:25:00.002+08:00

Guess my blog will not have any audience now.
But still I'll blog about my feelings...

Looking back into the past posts...
I realised I actually wrote something about L.
And I still have feelings for her back then... but why did I disappear from her life again till recently.
Sigh...
Maybe its fate... Most probably...
And maybe cos' of this, I've learnt to treasure L more now.
Though she told me that feelings are different now, don't wanna have a BF now and wanna be friends.
I still love her...
But I really don't know how to handle the situation now...
Got many advises from friends.
Many told me to play it cool and treat her like normal friend now.
And don't ask her out so often and reject her next request to see me...
Today I tried really hard not to sms her though... but I couldn't do it and I sms her again.
I'm just not strong enough... I can't really control much...
If I do... I'll be hurting myself somehow... cos if I don't sms her... I know I wont get any from her too...
Sigh...

Should I let her go again? Should I just hold on somemore? Should I just become the sucker which other mentioned? Should I just make her happy even am hurting? Should I disappear again?

But seriously I do not want any of the above decision... What I wished for is be able to be with her again....
How I wish I could understand how she feels about me and what she had gone through all these 4 years.
Sigh...

Am just hurting myself more and more when I think of her...
But I just couldn't stop myself from thinking about her... I just miss her so much...
I just Love her alot....

Somehow the phrase my friend told me got me sad more...

"The one you love most might not be the one you'll be with"

This really hurt me alot when I think of this might happen to me...

Sigh...

All I want is to be with L....

Things Happens For A Reason...

2008-09-17T22:42:00.004+08:00

Lately many things happens through my life...

But got too many things to say but I have no idea how to start from...

Firstly I would like to thank this friend of mine which I had called panda2 in previous posts. (Though we sounds like we're totally, but I swear 200% that we're just friends.)

Well if not because of panda2 all these while I will never be able to find what's the missing thing I was wondering about and what I really wanted all these years after that very first heartbroken day of mine. (Will talk about it later on)

Secondly maybe the choice of quitting NUS was right. If I didn't I guess I will never found out what's missing and what I really wanted after all these years of thinking.

Cos' if never quit, I'll facebook and get to know panda2 from NUS too.

And without knowing panda2, I wont be enlighten.

Thirdly, if I chose buisness management and marketing this Aug and didnt reject the offer of molecular biology and biotechnology (sometime I really like), I would never ask her out again. ( Who's she? Later you'll know).

Now Who's the "HER" I'm referring to?

I'll call her "L" as her name starts with L.

Really wanna know who L is?

Obviously she's not the L in Death Note

Duh~!

Well she's my one and only ex-girlfriend.

I guess this is shocking to many... especially to my secondary school friends...

Though We known each other for so long, I had never mentioned about L to them.

L was my girlfriend back in my poly year 2.

I still can recall the dates we were together.

23/04/04 - 23/06/04

Though its just a short 2months of relationship...

I had never ever once forgotten about the sweet memories we had...

L was the sweetest girl I ever met...

She never quarrels, always gives me surprises and writing letters to me...

I still remembered while I was away in Japan, 2 days before my return,

she wrote a long postcard letter for me... every postcard has meaning.

I was so touch that I called and said" I Love You"

Thinking back~

That was the only time I said that to L.

And I never gives her surprises, never do sweet stuffs for her and never write letters for her...

Even though I didn't do anything...

She was there to support and encourage me and surprising me...

Maybe I was a dumbass in a relationship cos it was my very first...

But its no excuse...

~SIGH~

Feel like slapping myself for breaking up with her...

Wondering?

I broke up with her cos' I felt something was missing in the relationship...

I still love her then... But I cant bear to hurt her anymore...

In order to minimise the pain for her...

I've just decided...

To think about it...

I was totally dumb... I should have talk to her about it...

*Knock Head*

Ever since we broke up...

I've been searching what was missing in the relationship and what I wanted...

We never met up nor contact for a year plus.

We finally met up again a few times only during my army days.

But I still havent been enlightened.

So again we didnt contact till recently...

30/08/08

The day I saw L again after a year plus again...

This time I finally know what was missing and what I wanted after all these years...

What's missing that am searching and what is that I wanted you may ask.

The missing thing was in fact my ignorance and irresponsibilities in the relationship...

Never did what a BF should do for a GF.

I know I am so dumb... It actually took me 4 years to realise this...

What I wanted was in fact L herself...

Ever since 30/08/08

We have been going out kinda often these few days...

I still can sense that she still have feelings for me...

And I myself have even stronger feelings for her now...

This time I am very determine to get her back again...

But I'm afraid that my actions will frighten her away...

I know that she's scare cos' she didnt even dare to read the letters I wrote for her...

~SIGH~

And I myself too afraid that I cant get her back again...

But if I dont try... I'll never know...

Ganbatte ne Kevin desu!!!

Really happy that the things had happened after we broke up till 30/08/08.

The sure happened for a reason..

I believe its the obstacles I need to overcome before I can get her back again...

*I promise I'll show photos of us when I get L back... Wish me luck*

2008-06-07T17:52:00.007+08:00

Just Realised Something Which Is~~~

I LOVE MYSELF MORE THAN ANYONE~!

Guess I should just be friends with the girl am seeing now...

Like what my friend, Eva said, " Guys that drag are the lousiest"

Maybe I should just end it right away...

Since I can't tolerate needing to report...

Being to sticky... having to apologise even its not my fault...

Having unappreciated...

Having being push away when angried and pull near when happy....

"For God Sake~! Am not a toy...!"

And having demanded for the unreasonables...

Having demanded for the impossibles...

All this I can never stand...

Cos I will never give up my freedom for anyone...

I will never give up gym training for anyone...

I will never give up my running for anyone...

I will never stop travelling alone for anyone...

I will never stop having the thoughts of migranting for anyone...

I will never sacrifices my sleep for anyone...

I will never sacrifices my only free time for anyone...

COS~~!!!

I LOVE MYSELF MORE THAN ANYONE~!

I'll shall be a bachelor till I find someone who is not demanding at most point of time...

And someone that can tolerate my MASSIVE EGO that I have...

And someone that will never quarrel with me all the time...

COS I FREAKING HATE QUARRELING!!!

Its just damn childish having to quarrel over small things...

So till then... This guy over here will just be on his own enduring all this loneliness...

Till the right girl appears...

Till then... Single FOREVER~!

Its the end~~~

2008-03-26T23:45:00.006+08:00

she said:

i promise i will nv cry and get upset of wad u say anymore. u noe. i really wanna cry on the train when i saw ur first sms. asking me to look back at wad i did to u before saying u treat me badly when u never really do anthing. it really hurts. hurts badly. i was at bedok mrt station sitting for a loong time and waitin for u to call or reply me before deciding to jus leave. when i finally left. i oreadi decided this is the last time i will bother to do anithing for u anymore. i will not bother to wake u up, cook for u, wait for u or do aniting stupid to hurt myself again. i was abt to cook the luncheon meat ramil burger for u yesterday after u help me da bao. so silly. i dun even noe why i bothers. i was waitin for u to come find me after u buy ur shoes or smth. i dun even noe why i would wait n wait n wait for smth tt will nv happen. im tired le. really very tired. had cried alot alot alot. this is the last time. really the last time le. sorry for everything. for scolding u. for having u to put down ur pride to say sorry to me. for having to fetch me home. for everything. take care.

i said:

I do not know why i said those stuffs. but what said are said. I cant turn back the time. though you said you waited for me to call or sms you... I tried to call you but you off your phone. maybe this is fate... when i tried you off your phone, when i stopped trying you on your phone back and you decided to leave. Just now, I wanted you to come right away as i wanna buy ramil burger and honey chicken chop for you so you could eat when you arrive. i just wanna know where you are so i can see when i can go buy and let you try while its still hot. but you got angry, i'm really really sad... maybe the ways we shows our love are different and wanting it to be shown are different too. that's why recently i kept hurting you, making you angry... really sorry for all the dumbs things i do and the hurting stuffs i said. I always tried so hard to save the situation between us whenever something goes wrong, be it my fault or not. But this time i guess its the end, i really dun have the energy to save the situation between us and making you smile. I feel like dying... all drained. Its hurt me lots to think that i cant do anything anymore... just now after the quarrel, i took a long walk back home, crying my heart away. yesterday you know why i went ikea to eat, cos' its reminds me of the day we ate there together. its so lonely to eat alone yesterday. i wished you were there too. sigh... Sorry for everything, for making you sad, for making you wait, for unable to fulfll promises, for expecting many things from me, sorry for breaking your heart, sorry for making you go home alone, sorry for all the bad stuffs i did to you. This will be the last time i'll hurt you, make you cry. no more pain. though i really cant bear to say this, this is the end for both of us. take care panda2. my always still loved. *tears flows down my cheek constantly when typing* Hahahahaha! I'm really very stupid... While typing this message, all the past memories kept flashing back and the plans i had been planning for ages kept flashing too. and also wanting to cook for you. i'm really stupid... dunno why... though i know its the end, i still kept thinking of such things... worthless me... thank you for all the wonderful memories and the stuffs you gave me. i love the bag though it spoilt after awhile. cherished them. hope you'll be happier without me.... panda1. (always in my heart)

I guess its really the end... we should had ended this long time ago...
thank you for everything.
hope you'll be happier without me around.
always in my heart.

Back to my lonely days...

SHOCK OF MY LIFE!!!

2008-03-12T14:54:00.003+08:00

12 March 2008, Time 1.35pm

Something big happened to my life....
Something I never thought it could happen on a fine day or on me.

A lorry rammed into the bus I took.
Right at the spot where I'm sitting at.
Was reading a comic at that moment before impact,
When I turned my head, looking to the window,
I saw it coming straight towards me... (Just like the typical drama of mediacorp)
In my heart I was like "Holy Shit!!"
Amazingly, with the great impact the lorry didn't crash throught the bus body...
but slide along the bus body.
With all the commotions the bus and lorry took minor injuries...
And no injuries onboard. That's a relief...
Maybe cos' the lorry was much smaller than the bus itself.
And maybe cos' the bus was a tour bus?

Wonder what would if:

lorry is bigger.
bus is sbs bus.
lorry didn't slide along the bus body.

With all the options above, I've kept wondering after the incident.

What would actually happened if either one of the options took place...

Will I still be able to see the sunlight?

Hmmm... no doubt the answer will never to known...

Maybe this is fate the I would encounter such things in my life once.

But non the less... I gave a laugh over the situation even though I'm part of the accident.

Truely, life is short... daily lifes are unpredictable...

So live your life to the fullest with no regrets...

Follow your heart and dare to try before its too late...

And never holdback because of someone or something...

If not there'll always be room for regrets...

But well I'm glab that I'm still ALIVE!!!

At least for now... :D

2008-03-09T22:08:00.005+08:00

Been wondering quite alot these days...
whatever had happened, was it right in the first place?
should I continue my sins or should I let it go?
Which decision will has less suffering?

~~~VEXED~~~

Been going with the same person for quite sometime.
Things was nice, sweet and happy.
Gradually it turns sour, unknown and confused.
kinda weird... why am I feeling such weird feelings?
Things seems to change but yet I dare not admit...
Am I the one who had changed or had the situation changed?
Either one, both inflict certain suffers for us.
Sigh~~~

Am afraid to let it go... am afraid I'll hurt someone...
But if I don't, I'll still hurt someone...
What should I do? Feel so useless now...
At times I don't wish that things will end...
Yet I can't continue with all the sufferings occurring now and then...

I don't even know what's wrong I've done...
I kept getting the cold shoulder this mintue... and then a caring the next...
I just can't stand it any longer...
Am not a toy... when you need me you be nice to me...
when you don't you give me cold shoulder...
Sigh~~~
Why such things always happens....
Is this what people called "love"?

Maybe I should think through stuffs for another few more weeks...
If things still the same... I guess I got no choice but to end it...
If not the pain will be greater as we drag...
And since we havent even started, I guess the pain will be lesser....
Sigh... But... I seriously cant bear to end it...

~~~HOPELESS~~~

Why my love life suck?

2008-01-01T17:03:00.000+08:00

Why my love life always suck?
I really dunno why...
Why everything seems so beautiful at the start....
But yet so awfully painful during and worse in the end...
Things just seems so beautiful at first...
But why good things always need to end...
Can't it last... I just dun understand...
Dunno why am I writing this...
Maybe cos' me and her gonna end soon.... real soon...
So much pain... so much grief...
I just cant bear it anymore...
Maybe like what she said... we are a mistake from start...
Never should we started anything....
All was a mistake all along....
"Beautiful Mistake"
Sigh...
Guess all my love life was a mistake all along...
Maybe I was send down by god to suffer from love...
I guess am a god of no love at first...
But fall in love so got kind down to suffer from love so I could no longer love...

"OH BEAUTIFUL MISTAKE"

Maybe we never should had met in the first place...
Maybe I shouldn't fall for her and chase after her...
Maybe everything will never happen if I never wanna talk to her...
Sigh....

But I never felt so happy with her around...
Never smile so much before knowing her....
Never played so much before...
Never laugh so much before...
Never felt loved before...
So much never that I couldn't think of...
Really wish that everything will not end....
Wish time could stop....
Which is impossible...
Sigh....

So much pain so much grief...
Pain that everything gonna end soon...
Grief that I've never been up to expectation....
Sigh...

Felt so demoralized about myself...
Never a good man for anyone...
I shall be alone forever... Shall never love...
That's my 2008 resolution...

"Never Love Again..."

"Oh Beautiful Mistake..."

So much to say... so much to express....
But so much mixed up feeling... till I dunno what to say...

Feel like giving up and end everything...
Yet I can't bear to do so...
Am such a loser...
Sigh...

2007-11-09T22:40:00.000+08:00

Why do I always have to face it over and over again?
Why can't it have a different ending?
Why it always ended up the same as before...
Why its not just one two times...
Why its been over more than 6 times...
Why... why... why...

Am so sad and hurt and down...
After so long of having no emotion for any girl...
Once more... I fall for the wrong girl...
It always happens...
Why... why... why....

I just don't understand why I always fall for the wrong girl...
Either the girl just broke up,
or the girl is still hanging over her ex,
or the girl just don't like me,
or the girl don't wanna enter another relationship...
Argh!!!
WHY?!?!?!?!!??!!

Sigh... I just guess I have no fate with love...
Or maybe love hates me...
That's why its making me falling for the wrong one...
And ending with myself been hurt only...

I've been so faithful but yet I get no happy ending...
I just don't understand...
Sometimes just wish that I'm a man with no heart...
or that I'm living alone myself away from every human beings...
Everytime told myself not to fall in love ever again...
But STUPID KEVIN!!! You still fall in love...
YOU DUMBASS!!! WHY ARE YOU SO STUPID!!!?!?!??
SIGH~~~!

Yearning for a trip alone out of this world...

2007-09-24T17:43:00.000+08:00

Its been 6 weeks after uni had started...
And I haven't been updating my blog for so long...
Kinda neglected it...
And just realised that the no. of viewers to my blog have kinda stagnal.
Oh well....

Ever since uni started...
Things dont seems to turn out the way I thought...
I thought by applying civil engineering in nus...
I could endure my lack of interest in the course and complete it...
And get the cert. for the sake of getting one.
But now... I totally can't... I've realised that I couldn't deceive myself anymore...
Cos' I've been deceiving myself on many things for the past 5 yrs or maybe more...
Now I wanna do what I want and follow my heart...

Currently am in a total lost now...
Having to think many things and plans for my future in just a few weeks...

Should I---->

1. Continue study civil engineering even if I fail any module.
2. Change course to biz.
3. Quit school if I fail any module and cant change course.
4. Go work 1st for 1 yr?
5. Go work till the next local uni application start and apply biz.
6. Go work and study at private uni.
7. Go private uni and study...
8. Or just work forever...

Which I think plan 8 well be totally out if I wanna have a good life...

More or less my heart have decided to quit if I cant change course...
Hopefully my dad wont be angry...

2007-07-24T21:02:00.000+08:00

I've just realised that I haven't been updating for a long time...

Almost about a month since I wrote any events...

Well the fact is that on weekdays,

I didn't do much... except out in the evening running...

As for every Saturday, I'll be working for mediscorp

Variety show " Code Red" (Ai Shan Xiao Hao Dian)

But last saturday was my last day as its the last shooting.

What I did?

Well basically I just need to hide the Xiao Hao Dian.

Of course not letting them know...

So far so good...

Only got discovered once while I was running to hide.

Hahaha...

Took some photos with the artists.

Will upload them when my cpu is back...

Oh... did I say my cpu broke down...

It cost me $220 fixing the graphic card and power box....

Ah!!! $220!!! My guitar is gone for the time being...

Sigh...

Gotta find weekend job soon...

Maybe tuition I guess...

By the way...

This week I just somewhat started uni.

Not really the actual term, but maths bridging course.

Saw someone I never thought of seeing...

Who?

Meng Ni together with bf; Eric.

Kinda brought back memories...

And that was yesterday...

Today I saw them again...

I've tried to avoid them by not going out during break time.

But as what they say "you can hide but you can't run..."

At the end of the lesson...

Out of LT7

She called me... Even though I tried not to see them...

Conversation:

Mn: Hi! Cheng Keong.

Me: Give a fake stun look.

Mn: Maths bridging course?

Me: Emph...

Mn: Oh I company them here.

Me: Oh.

Mn & Me: Somewhat eye contact of saying ok byebye...

End of conversation...

I just realised I couldn't open my mouth...

"Asking how are you..."

Haiyo...

Am so useless... Can't even ask a friend how she was...

Anyway gotta study hard....

Study hard boy...

Don't think of such things again....

Not a gurantee but I'll try...

And for this whole week I guess I'll still see her...

2007-07-10T15:45:00.001+08:00

You are The Devil

Materiality. Material Force. Material temptation; sometimes obsession

The Devil is often a great card for business success; hard work and ambition.

Perhaps the most misunderstood of all the major arcana, the Devil is not really "Satan" at all, but Pan the half-goat nature god and/or Dionysius. These are gods of pleasure and abandon, of wild behavior and unbridled desires. This is a card about ambitions; it is also synonymous with temptation and addiction. On the flip side, however, the card can be a warning to someone who is too restrained, someone who never allows themselves to get passionate or messy or wild - or ambitious. This, too, is a form of enslavement. As a person, the Devil can stand for a man of money or erotic power, aggressive, controlling, or just persuasive. This is not to say a bad man, but certainly a powerful man who is hard to resist. The important thing is to remember that any chain is freely worn. In most cases, you are enslaved only because you allow it.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

2007-07-09T14:10:00.000+08:00

Your Seduction Style: Fantasy Lover

You know that ideal love that each of us dreams of from childhood? That's you!
Not because you posess all of the ideal characteristics, but because you are a savvy shape shifter.
You have the uncanny ability to detect someone's particular fantasy... and make it you.

You inspire each person to be an idealist and passionate, and you make each moment memorable
Even a simple coffee date with you can be the most romantic moment of someone's life
By giving your date exactly what he or she desires, you quickly become the ideal lover.

Your abilities to make dreams come true is so strong, that you are often the love of many people's lives.
Your ex's (and even people you have simply met or been friends with) long to be yours.
No doubt you are the one others have dreamed of... your biggest challenge is finding *your* dream lover.

What Kind of Seducer Are You?

Haha... Quite True... Biggest challenge is finding my dream love...

You Were a Parrot

You are a master of language, and you use your wit to mock and tease others.
But you are also wise, and you often think carefully before you speak.

What Animal Were You In a Past Life?

Parrot??? Haha!!!

You are 80% Sagittarius

How Sagittarius Are You?

Your Birthdate: December 7

You are an island. You don't need anyone else to make you happy.
And though you see yourself as a loner, people are drawn to you.
Deep and sensitive, you tend to impress others with your insights.
You also tend to be psychic - so listen to that inner voice!

Your strength: Your self sufficiency

Your weakness: You despise authority

Your power color: Maroon

Your power symbol: Hammer

Your power month: July

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Your Inner Child Is Surprised

You see many things through the eyes of a child.
Meaning, you're rarely cynical or jaded.
You cherish all of the details in life.
Easily fascinated, you enjoy experiencing new things.

How Is Your Inner Child?

Surprised inner child? Guess I like surprises... Ha..

2007-07-08T01:32:00.001+08:00

Back from MIA-ing...
Why I went MIA-ing?
Nothing just to test who cares...
Saddly, in fact noone does...
Though I set MIA-ing in msn for 4 days...
Noone ask me y...
Noone bother to sms me y...
Even when I put back from MIA-ing also noone ask...
Sigh... How sad...
Anyway it was just a test I wanna see...
But score ain't appealing...
Guess I should go for a longer MIA in coming near days...
Without warning... Anyway nobody bothers...
I've decided to do that again real soon...
MIA forever maybe...
MIA once more...

Humans are evil... I hate you...

2007-07-07T23:10:00.000+08:00

LIVE EARTH!!!

Wear green!!!

Must wear green not just outside but inside too...

Be GLOBAL WARMING cautious!!!

2007-06-26T22:54:00.000+08:00

I've finally realised why I've been so down lately...
The sense of unwanted, loneliness, leftout???
Not that everyone around me is treating me this way...
But just that the one I wish for does...
How I wish my presence is been felt... wanted...
But I just don't feel that at all...
Maybe its just me? Maybe not...
Right now... I don't even know who I like...
I only know I've been clinging onto a love that was never meant to be...
Felt so tied up...
How I wish I can get free from it...
Lead a happier life?
Been trying so hard...
But once I saw photos and words been spoken...
I tend to think back...
Its making me vexed...
Though I don't really show it in my face...
Giving a laugh to it... Smiling away...
But all are fake if I say it doesnt matter...
Am always living in a faking world...
I wanna live in realistic...
I don't wanna fake my life through... I wanna be real...
I want my happiness being real... not faking out...
Maybe this is why I doesn't like to... smm..smile...
I wanna break out from the past... OUT!!!

Sigh... Felt so empty recently...
Confused little mini me...

Where are you my angel of guidance...?

2007-06-21T01:11:00.000+08:00

Ha... Just got my PC Show working pay...
279 in total...
Only $79 commission earned...
Very little lor...
But am still feeling damn broke la...
Don't know why...
Maybe cos' I couldn't go oversea for holiday...
Feeling kinda frustrated with myself...
I wanna have a get away...
To langkawi, redang or even tioman...
But who wanna go with me...
Sigh...
I don't have oversea trip friends leh...
Those that can go oversea and really have fun with with no limits...
Cos' I hate staying in the hotel room...
How I wish I have a girlfriend...
So can go oversea together...
Thinking of it... It make me feel so warmth and happy and relaxing...

I wanna go oversea before University starts...
Any buyers???
Let me know...
Most probably Redang...

2007-06-13T19:05:00.000+08:00

Picture of past events

On the way to Marina Bay for BMTC gathering.
This pic make my leg look long... Lol...

Sentosa 100607 (ORD Date)

Guess who's this guy... Can't say their names since they
said no names is allow... Ha.

Me after tanning... Face damn red la... Can see?
My new pair of slipper I bought from City Square; Malaysia JB.

JB Trip 090607

Can you see that? Student FREE!!!
The KTV is damn big la...

The room is damn big too!!!
Pulled down by my friend la... Accidentally...
Ha..

ORD Dinner 230507

ATTC Drivers... All in Pink except one la... KNS!!!

Weili & me.
The all pink guy... Head to toe...

Me 1st time in pink la...
Sianz!!!

The Stars...

Anyway that's all folks...
Stay tuned...

2007-06-11T01:47:00.000+08:00

What's the time now...
Almost 2am...
Am still here...
Cos' I just got home...

Today was sooo tiring...
Not very fun though...
Just relaxing and tired...

Morning went Sentosa like planned...
Tanning at palawan beach...
Swam quite a bit in the sea...
Got fried...
Looking like a lobster once more...
Yum yum...

Rush home after tanning...
Rush for BMTC Section gathering at Marina South...
Steamboat at Zhen Fa... Again... Boring... Sianz...
Billard after that...
Walk all the way to Marina square take cab back.
Ended home now.

Still haven't sleep...
Blogging now...
Photos be updated tomorrow...
So tired now...
Wanna sleep soon...
Real soon...

Goodnight...

P.S. Com Java got problem...
Can't post nor edit...
Damn... need use different com.

2007-06-10T00:02:00.000+08:00

Woah... Been looking back at my posts...
I think am really crazy recently...
Damn mood swing...
Don't know why...
Gotta wake up...
Clear all of my thoughts...
And I'll be better...
Yeah am better now...
No worries...
Look on the bright side of life...

Hmmm... How was today?
Well... nothing much...
Just came back from JB not long ago...
So tired man...
Meet at 9.30am... travel in took us an hour...
Went city square...
Ktv... at Neway...
RM12 for K Lunch, and I ordered Chicken Chop Combo.
Total cost me RM23, Cheap right...
Damn Cheap la I would say...

But event of the day kinda boring la...
Ktv... walk around city square, travel to JUSCO Tebrau Cit,
Dinner at Taman Sri Tebrau... Seafood... Yeah!!!
Last stop city square again...

As you can see its nothing much...
Just walking around... and travelling in cab...
That is ok... But the problem is I don't even have enough time to shop...
Everyone just walk without waiting... Sigh...
But I managed to steal time and get a pair of slipper...
Finally I have a beach slipper... can wear go Sentosa...
Woohhuuu!!!
Gonna wear it tomorrow to palawan beach...
Oh yeah... Tanning.... I'm loving it...
Missed Sentosa sooo.... muchy...
Didn't go there for weeks...
Finally am stepping foot in it again...
This time with a fatter tummy.... OMG!!!
Am gonna train very hard now... Once more!!! Lol...

Gotta end here now... will update the pics next time...

LEFTOUT

2007-06-08T22:00:00.000+08:00

No one to talk to me today...
Felt so lonely again...
MOOD SWING!!!
Actually not really mood swing...
Something just happens all the time to me...
I can't endure it any longer!!!
Should blast out in laugher or cry?
Feeling seems so mixs up inside of me...
Feel like shouting out now...
What's wrong with this goddamned world!!!
What have I done wrong to deserve this..!!!
Okay... I couldn't do that now...
Am home... Mum will bring to woodbridge if I did it.
Sigh...

Seriously am just so damn fucked up...
I don't know why...
It just happens all the times...
Am I in the wrong? Am confused...
What have I done...

Since secondary, once I found my group of true friends...
I've always tried to entertain them, listen to their problems,
have fun together, etc...
I've been so good to everyone around me...
Never fail...
What I get in returned...
Negligence... I'm been neglected...
Am always the last one to be informed about things...
Or not even informed till I asked!!!

Today there's already a few incidents...

1. Gathering by BMTC section at marina bay on sunday.
I wouldn't have know if not for Kenny who actually asked me...
The reason of me not knowing is forgot to call me...
All but me... why just me? Why am I the one leftout?
Obviously am not even in their heart!!!

2. I only got to know of tomorrow's JB trip...
I've been asking weeks ago...
Only today then I know about it...
Plus am the last one again...
When everyone else know of the date and time and venue...

3. After getting IC. The plan next I wasn't told too till I asked...
Again everyone know it gonna be movie...
Again and again and again...
Am the last...

List would never end if I don't stop...
Guess I should stop...
Just that...
Really don't know why...
What I've done???
Am always the person who try to inform people about things once I know.
Event time venue... Even cancellation...
There's even times am not known of cancellation...
Argh!!!

Another thing is why no one ask me out...?
Am so free at home rotting...
People just go out with themselves without even calling me...
Asked them... Replies: " You won't wanna go one la..."
How would you know if you never asked?!?!?
Obviously they don't even care about me...!!!

Argh!!!
Why my life so screwed?
Why my life so damned?
Why my life so fucked?

So....
LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT
LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT
LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT
LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT
LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT
LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT
LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT LEFTOUT so... leftout..

P.S. Never appreciated...
This is why I hate this world...

Mr LoneR walk this earth alone...
Would you acknowledge me if I love you?
Would you love me if I love you?

2007-06-07T22:35:00.000+08:00

Guess tomorrow is what day?

Its ORD Day LOR!!!

Hohoho...

Hao li ke!!! (Ok this is random.. Ha!)

Finally 2 years of yearning...

My FREEDOM is back...

Oh... YES!!! FREEDOM...

Justice Gundam wait for me...

I'll operate my freedom mobile suit to save you...

And lets save the earth together...

Waahaha...

Ok... Don't know why I came out with this...

Haha... Random random...

Guess I'm in a random mood now...

Geezzz...

Guess am just happy to get back my pink IC...

Erm... no leh... Don't really feel so happy...

Aiya... don't know why...

Sigh...

Why am I sighing most of the time??

Getting old.... I think...

About my 4th June post...

Shirley was like asking me this...

" Who is that girl..."

" Is it her..."

She is suspecting something...

~~(Its kinda obvious with the pic I guess)~~

But all I did was...

"SECRET"

Haha...

Why???

Well... Just don't feel like saying...

Cos' What if it is and What if it isn't???

Will there be any difference...

I just feel there won't be any...

No space for me I guess...

Heart won't change easily though...

And things may get awkward...

(But I do hope things would turn out differently.. Ha

But I it won't cos' never have been different

From what I feel :(

Ok I know am pessimistic but am only this way

When comes to such things...)

Anyway let nature take its course...

~~(Help appreciated... Nah...)~~

P.S.

Today my blog finally a little bit lifelier...

All thanks to priscilla letting my url being known...

Ha...

Bitching Corner happens to be bitched by the pc show gang.

2007-06-06T22:49:00.000+08:00

Got no idea why am I here...

My brain is just so empty now...

BRAINLESS...

I can't get my brain to function properly...

Having this weird feeling inside too...

Just like when you get choke and can't breathe...

Think my brain is currently low on oxygen...

Need HELP... Brain on low oxygen...

NEED HELP!!!

NEEDDD HHEEELLLPP!!!

Someone save my brain...

P.S. My blog still seems so lonely.

No one even care to bitch at the bitching corner.

Sigh...

2007-06-05T15:49:00.000+08:00

I missed the working days at PC show...

Missed all the people there...

Especially these 3 girls..

Jasmine, Shirley and Priscilla...

I'd never been so crazy around with girls.

Talking crap and nonesense.

Jasmine is the craziest one around there.

Always come out with stupid jokes and stuffs.

And funny actions...

When looking at her I just wanna laugh at her.

Just like a little girl to me...

Shirley would be the serious one.

But the one lack of motivation I would say.

Need someone to motivate her.

Priscilla would be the sleepy face...

And she gave me this stupid nick.

LAM face (Laugh At Me face)

And Jasmine said I'm comical look...

Do I look that way?

Anyway no matter what they say,

They just make me feel wanted for once...

I felt so happy...

Now work had stopped..

Am back home again...

Being alone again...

Loneliness just fills my heart again...

This unwanted feeling starting to drown me again...

I really wish that the work is longer instead of 4 days only...

Sigh....

Anyway don't think the pc show people know I miss them...

Cos' none of them will ever visit my blog too.

My blog is as lonely as me...

Only a few visitor a day...

I wanna start Uni soon...

Can't wait to be around friends...

I just hate the feeling of being alone...

Unwanted

More tests...

2007-06-05T00:23:00.000+08:00

Got nothing to do... so did another test.Cool right...

Your Birthdate: December 7

Calm and understated, you struggle to express your love with words.
Over time, your partner learns to recognize your passion by the actions you take.
You're good at wooing someone slowly, without them even realizing it!

Number of True Loves You'll Have: 1

Number of Times You'll Have Your Heart Broken: 2

You are most compatible with people born on the 7th, 16th, and 25th of the month.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean For Your Love Life?

Haha... 1 true love? I hope so...

Cool!!! I can generate $50,000,000 in life? I wish ah!!! But I'll try!!!

What alcohol are you??

PATRONE

You are a laid back and relaxed drinker! Patrone is one of the most finest tequillas known! It also shows you have a very expensive taste on your tongue!!

How do you compare?
Take this test! Tests from Testriffic

Expensive taste I have... Ha.. Maybe I'll be rich...

IQ Test

2007-06-05T00:06:00.000+08:00

Can't believe I scored so high!!! HAHA!!!

2007-06-04T14:11:00.000+08:00

I do not know why am so tired but I woke up early today.

At 9am...
And I could sleep no more.
Been so tired from work.
Was working at the Pc show selling Epson printer.
Worked for 4 days. Yesterday was the last day.
And I'm not used to been having nothing to do again...
Gonna die from boredom...
Cos' its so fun to work at the PC show.
Met quite a few fun people.
Got crazy one, serious one, sweet one, pretty one, and many more.
Its just so fun...
In fact there's someone actually kinda resemble her...

Who is she (figure above)? Well someone I've been liking since I was sec 4. Even now I am.
But I've learnt to let go. Cos' she'll never be meant for me.
She had already a prince charming for herself. A caring and loving one :)

So I've found someone actually resemble her.
During my working days at the PC show.
The feeling she gave me is the same as her too.
The special feeling I had for her actually appears on her too.
Just so so similiar.......
But the age is different. A big 6 years in difference.
Sigh... Is it a big gap? Is she too young for me?
But I have no guts to actually go after her.
I'm just gutless.
Afraid of unable to get her or even lose a friend.
Sigh... I do not know why when comes to girls I really like...
I have no guts...
Why am I so useless....

Guess I'm just trying to escape from failure...
Should I give it a go even if she don't like me?
Or should I just let her pass?

Will regrets fill my heart?

Or am I just liking her cos' she resemble someone?
Think I should just let my feeling settle down for now...
And not to think about anything incase I hurt someone...

Troubled once again after so long...
Sigh....

DESPARADO...

2007-05-27T22:39:00.000+08:00

Am feeling so happy that I'm gonna ORD in like 2 wks... haha...
Finally I can see my beloved pink IC.
With the face of a 12 year old boy.
Hahaha...

But after ORD, I'll be a poor guy once more...
Sigh... no more income for me...
Fore-seeing such events...
I've been desperately searching and working these few weeks
Been doing some office jobs which last for few days...
Thanks to Wei Teck and Vincent for introducing me...
Get paid $6/hr...
Though its not alot... but it counts to my saving...
And I'm so desperate for money now that I did flyers distribution...
See how desperate I am...
Ah....
So far I've earned $300 only...
Gotta earn more...
Need to increase my savings...
Need lots lots lots...

But the problem is... after ORDing...
I won't have the time to work...
Cos I've got maths bridging course whole of July...
Which means whole of July I can't work = no $$$
And I won't be able to find job that allow me to work 3 wks in June too.
How man... I can only work if I go NTU.
But NUS is nearer and the reputation is up there...

Sigh... Seriously in need of a sugar mummy...
Who wanna be my sugar mummy???
Or who have Lobang???
Let me know OKAY?

DESPARADO.....

2007-05-20T00:39:00.000+08:00

Oh man... oh man... oh man...
Who can save me?!?!
I think I'm gonna be dead soon...
Cos I'll be having a English Test from NUS.
And its gonna have a General Paper (GP) section.
GP = Essay you see...
Something which I had no experience in..
Oh dear dear dear...
How am I gonna write a nice content if I don't even know the format.
Anyone out there can save me?
Save me with your past written GP scripts?
Or teach me?
Sigh... gonna take the test on 19th July.
I must pass it man...
If not have to take up english module which is a waste of time.
Please please please let me pass with flying colours....
OH PLEASE...!

What's wrong with these people???

2007-05-07T20:29:00.000+08:00

Ok.. from now on... you will see lots of vulguraities...
If you don't feel comfortable with such language,
kindly click the "x" on the top right hand corner.

This article is just a tool for me to release my inner frustration over these few days.
I am soooo.... freaking pissed.... off... by lots of people man...
Its damn fucking irritating when people get on your nerve...
over and over again!!!

Firstly... am so fucking pissed with this damn bloody sissy gay...
He always think that everybody is fucking rich like him ah...
Got 70k+ toyota camry at home to drive ah...
Can buy LV bag huh...
Can just use credit card buy bloody expensive stuffs anytime huh...
CCB!!!
Think people so forturnate like him ah... bloodly sissy...
Alright... some people out there wanna buy a movie ticket also have to consider!!!
I'm one of those who wanna buy a movie ticket also have to consider ah!!!
Consider whether I got money left for the month not ah!!!
Cos have to save money man...
Like him this sissy meh... Can go Aust study with everything paid for by his fucking rich parents!!!
People don't!!!
People are poor!!! Alright!!!
NB!!! So rich still dare to say his poor like me... CCB!!!
I know he has 2 banks account with 3k+ inside hor!!! KNN!!!
I don't!!! Not even a quater of his!!! Dare say he poor like me... FUCK HIM understand!!!
He don't even need to save money for his Uni expenses wherelse I do. Alright...
So he better get this clear if he ever read this!!!
"Don't come fucking cb say your poor like me!!! Cos you're never half way near me!!! NBCB!!!"
This is why I sometimes fucking hate rich people.
Don't even know that money is fucking hard earned!!!

Secondly is the bloodly regular in my camp.
Don't know what the fuck is wrong with him.
Its like every Wednesday, all of us will not take off and leave which he agreed!
And now his damn bloodly bastard want us go back go tuesday this week to do his shit job.
NB!!! Can't do on wednesday when everyone's back meh?!?!?!
What the fuck is wrong with these people man....
KNN!!! He is paid 3k+ to do so... we are not!!! We are just serve and fuck off.
Plus we are clearing off leave now.
CCB wanna eat away our hard earned offs.
KNN have to help him do those bloodly servicing for end of year LRI.
CCB!!! This LRI is after we ORD ok!!! Its none of our business!!!
How can he make us do it now... And its not overdue yet...
Its suppose to be done only when its overdue...
So how can it be done now...
No wonder army is such a fuck up organisation...
Cos even the regulars are fuck up.
Don't even do the job they are paid for. And don't think according to system.
KNN damn du lan... Tomorrow off gonna get eaten away... FUCK!!!
Am gonna take MCs to cover them back...
Can't even ORD in peace....
NB!!! Must claim our rights!!!
Cannot get eaten by cb regulars who don't do their own job.
If they don't, so what's the fuck point of having them paid 3k+/mth.
Pay them just to smoke everyday ah? Or pay them go outcamp halfday and go home early huh?
What care of job is this? CCB!!!
No wonder nobody like bloodly SAF!!!
Anyway how can we like bloodly SAF which such fucking system!!!
Think SAF should revise on their fucking regulars system...

Hoosh.... First time scold so much in my life... felt so sins...
Anyway I'd released all my frustration now...
Yeah!!!

2007-04-29T22:30:00.000+08:00

This time is gonna be quite a long post.
Gonna update on 3 events.
They are Thursday, Friday and Saturday events...
Are all so fun to talk about... haha....

Firstly I wanna talk about Thursday....
What it is about... Well...
Its just a clubbing day!!!
And its a Tertiary Fling... which means...
people of my age...
Cool!!!

I got 10 tickets free from Jen. Thanks Ya Jen....
Got more events tickets must give me woah... Lol...
But in the end I used out only 2 tickets.
Cos my friends all cancelled last minute...
Freak right....
Anyway... I'm still managed to go with Dean. At least his still on about it.
The whole clubbing sensation was good at first.
Cos' we're sort dancing with these 2 hot chicks...
And I mean really really hot chicks...
They were like dancing and looking and smiling to us...
Damn... I was kinda in love with the girl in blue cos she's my type of girl.
Dean and I were enjoying ourselves with the girls...
Until this group of Fucking Army Guys...
They are just seriously spoiling the market....
They just squeeze between us and the girls...
Squeeze till the girls no space to dance LA!!!
If they dance, their butt and boobs will be rubbing against those guys...
Fuck Up LOSERS right!!! Trying to take advantage of girls and not dancing...
Come on LOSERS!!! Dancefloor is for us to dance and enjoy the music....
Dont just come down and start touching butts and boobs...
Get A Life man..!!!
Since that.. the girls got pissed off by them and stopped dancing...
Totally spoiling Dean and my dancing mood...
And so we left club after that since its like 1.30am and
we gotta work the next day at 9.30am...

Overall the dance was GREAT without the LOSERS.
Hope I could see the girl in blue again... Haha...
Just Day-dreaming only...
haha....

End of Thursday....

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Start of Friday

Friday morning was just a working day the same as thursday.
But at night, Eva asked me to company her to Bar Stop at Killiney Road.

And been a very on friend... I agreed of course... Even its just the 2 of us.
We met at 10pm, By the time I got there, the Bar was totally packed...
But am lucky to find a table for 2.
Wanted a bigger table cos' Eva wanted to have her dinner since she haven't eaten.
Gladly the waitress was kind and helpful enough to help us find a
larger table when the food just arrived.
Well we ordered 6 mini chicken burgers for me, 5 bottles of Yebisu Beer for us
(under promotion 5 for $35) and a Grilled Chicken Chop for Eva.

6 Mini Chicken Burgers ( Well quite
nice but kinda dry not that juciy
enough). Cost $10.

Grilled Chicken Chop ( I like the taste
of it alot) I'll highly recommend it.
But it cost $19!

Yebisu Beer ( Its quite nice at the start,
but ends with quite some bitterness).

That's our food and beverage. Bar Stop is really a nice place
I would recommend my friends...
Its cosy with quite a nice ambience. And its noisy outside the bar.
So you could listen to the live band clearly. Well the band is quite nice
but last night was a disappointment.
And guess what. the drummer Jason and bass guitarist Shawn actually
took part in SUPERBAND before.
And they're under Eva's care during the production... Haha...

Bar Stop Menu Lol...

Live Band...
Jason happily drumming away.

Candle... It run on gas... Cool right...

Eva's Master Piece of me.
It look like I got burnt by fire...
Lol...

End of Friday with a supper of a plate of carrot cake and
10 BBQ chicken wings at MakenSutra Esplanade.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Start of Saturday

This day I'm kinda excited.
I'm finally meeting up with my pri sch classmates...
We haven't seen each other after PSLE except for SiuFung
whom I last seen during poly year 2.
We met at Plaza Singapura's Cafe Cartel for dinner at 7pm.

After that we went Mind's Cafe at Selegie Road.
Its my friends time to the place but I been wanting to go
there since don't how long ago.
Hahaha....
Wah Lau Eh...
Play until my stomach pain lor... Cos its so funny and fun....
And the snacks are nice too...
I wanna go back play again... Anyone wanna join me?
Or anyone wanna go, do jio me hor...!!! Ha...
Lets go play some boardgames...
Hahaha... I just love boardgames and stuffs.... Lol...

Conclusion on my pri sch friends after so long...

SiuFung: Didn't really change much. Still can recognise out in the street.
ZongYao: Same can recognize out in the street. Just that his fatter now. Lol.
HuiPing: Look quite the same. But don't like us call her huiping but Mandy. Ha.
Michelle: Also didn't change much. More femine than before. Before very fierce. Hahaha...

As for me.... I'd changed the most among them...

Great to see them doing well after all these years...
Too bad Karin was sick and Geak Ling was uncontactable.
Hope the next time I could see all of them.

Sadly no photos was taken. Will take some the next time.

End of Saturday...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Entry

2007-04-24T19:58:00.000+08:00

Why do my friends always pissed me off...
Especially when asking them go gym...
Firstly it wasn't my idea of going, it was their's...
But guess what... its their idea of cancelling too...
Well its ok...
But they didn't inform me about it till I asked...
What the hell man...
Don't even have the consideration of informing people...
It can save people from been "fly air plane"

Sigh... why are my friends like this...
Always give lazy and tired as excuses for cancellation.
I'm totally sick of such excuses....
So friends... Please be more creative on your excuses...
Its a CREATIVE World... So be creative even at excuses...

Anyway I decided to go gym myself...
But I ended up didn't go too...
Reason... Not tired or lazy of course...
Just that my one and only track shoe die on me while I'm half way to the gym...
Damn right...
Jeez... Gotta get another pair of track shoe...
But I just bought 2 T-shirts... So am kinda broke now...
When can I get a new track shoe...
Who is kind enough to buy one for this poor soul here...
:_(

By the way... I just won Take That newest album.. cool man...
Ha... Just went to collect today at EPL Building at lower delta road...
which like so far away....
Anyway its worthy getting the album...
Take That really have nice songs even they are like the oldest boyband around now...
Haha...
Take That - Beautifuk World <--- Highly Recommended.... 4 Thumbs UP!

2007-04-21T19:21:00.000+08:00

Yesterday I was kinda happy...
Guess Why?
Well its nothing much to be very happy about...
Just that its something that kinda make me feel secured instead...
:D
Anyway its because I got my confirmation letter from NTU that I got a space in it.
But am now waiting for NUS's confirmation letter.
Then I'll decide which one to study at.
Still kinda confuse of which one University should I go.
Can anyone give me advice?
Which is better for Civil Engineering? NTU or NUS???
Sigh...
Bored....

Anyway sure wait till May 07 then decide...

I'm rotting at home...
How bored...
And I seriously in need of freelance jobs...
Anyone have please intro them to me...
I need $$$$ for my University expenses....

Argh... How I wish I strike $1M toto...
haha... <--- Fat Hope!!!

2007-04-15T12:22:00.000+08:00

Sorry Dudes... I know I haven't been around updating my blog...

And I know you guys must be wondering how have I been...

Well I've been reading alot... I mean ALOT...

I've read quite alot for the past 3months.

I'd read books like: After Life, Working for the Devil, Georgia Under Water, Nightmare of the Night,

and lotsa more which I forgotten the Titles.

And I'm reading Justice of Wind now. Don't know what hitted me, but I'm just kept going to the

library to borrow books after books... Haha...
But that's all not important... What's is important issss.....

ORD LOR!!!!!!!

Haha... Can't wait to gain back my true freedom...

And finally I can get away from all those hypocrites in camp....
I just can't stand people being " Wayang "
Its like what's up with that...
Its like you're actually " sucking cock " and you're selling away your moral values...
Jeez... Just can't stand such people...
Sadly in the future there'll be more... Sigh...

Anyway!!!! ORD LOR!!!! Hahaha... Am finally been able to clear my off and leave next week the 25th of April 07 Yea man... yea!!! And this coming week... I'll be home for 1wk due to dental surgery...
Haha.... This means I only left with a few working days in camp... Wooohuu...!!!
Yea..yea..yea...
1 and a half month at home... Shiok!!!
So anyone that is free please kindly ask me out....
Cos am free already... So don't think that I'm not free alright...
Don't you dare neglect my presence....
So just JIO me out to anywhere you like.... be it clubbing, movie, eating, sports, suntanning, whatever you named it... I'll sure be there if I have no commitment that day....

Ouch Ouch Ouch!!! Damn... My whole body is burning... I'm like totally like a fried lobster...

Ha... Yesterday went sentosa for suntanning...
I think its my first suntanning session since 2 yrs ago...
Haha...
I just love the outdoors and Sentosa....

Here's some photos...

Guess what... I thought there's more to walk down before boarding the train, didn't realise the entrance is just on the left till the train comes. Blur me.... Lol...

The new Sentosa train service...

Well its not really a serivce that travels around the island.

Just to some major attractions only.

A fast way to get into the island too.

My Ultraman Towel... I bought it in Bangkok

Last year November. Cute right?

Here's a picture of myself...

I'm Flying....

Testing out my new olympus camera...

I look like a drown ghost...

Ha....

There's all for yesterday...

I'll be update more photos of the past events as much as possible...

So stay tuned...

2007-03-18T02:10:00.000+08:00

Have you ever had such a feeling?
What feeling am I saying, I guess you must be asking this.
Well its some indescribable kind; at least for me...

Let me tell you a story...

Here goes... Listen carefully...

Once there's this person... His was in love with this certain thing...
And got it and had it company him most of the time...
Never be seperated...
(Though the time being together is short)
One day... Something happened and he left the thing...

After a few years... he once again saw the thing...
Wondering inside, should he get it back?
But his confuse of the feeling he had; was it fake or real.
If its real, then should he get the thing back?
And his afraid he might find better thing in the future and hurt the thing if he decided to get it back.
See things do have feelings too...
Till now his confused...

So What Do You Think He Should Do?
Or what kind of advise can you give?

2007-02-18T19:41:00.000+08:00

I'm so lazy lately that I haven't blog about anything...
And now its Lunar New Year...
Gotta wish everyone a Happy Piggy Year...
Well for me... Its wasn't a good start.
Yesterday, I woke up with fever and serious diarrhoea
Was on and off to the toilet most of the time...
Leaving me with wobbly legs...
So I didn't really enjoy my reunion dinner...
However from this misery, I was brought with luck during my first mahjong gambling
I won a $5.50, though I know it isn't alot... But I still can add it to my ang bao collections
Haha...
And I ended my day by waking up half way through my sleep with a diarrhoea...
Argh!!!
Anyway that's was yesterday...
As for today... Well nothing much though...
Did the usual stuffs... Like what every year we did
Went to Singapore Soka Association to Chant...
For me I had never fancy about such things... Its totally boredom for me...
But what to do when my parents wanna perform such routine every year.
For me, once I stepped into the chanting hall, I'll starts to yawn non stop
Guess I'm not a religious guy... In fact I kinda dislike religion stuffs...
It bore me to death...
Anyway, luckily the event only lasted for 10-15mins, anything more than that
I'll sure fall asleep... Haha...
After chanting, the usual routine to my grandma's house for dinner.
This is the only thing I like about Chinese New Year.
Can get all the ang baos and seeing my cousins (though we hardly talk)
and seeing my grandma still healthy...
Ya that's the best part of New Year...
Wonder how much I would get from all the ang baos I'd collected.
Maybe it'll be slighty more than the past as this year included one from my brother...
Haha... Cos' his married so he gotta give us... Lol...
How I wish my older cousins get married soon so I'll get more ang baos...
Wahaha... I'm so money face... $_$
Guess I shall end here... Gonna go count my ang baos now....
Ciaoz.... $_$

Far Away...

2007-02-10T13:08:00.000+08:00

Here's another song I love alot...

Far Away

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

[CHORUS]

That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

[CHORUS]

So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go

Keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go

2007-02-03T14:43:00.000+08:00

Woah... Kinda long didn't update le...
Wasn't really for the past week...
There's a few things I wanna blog about... So sit back and enjoy...
Haha...

1st... Last Saturday... On Kehao's 22nd birthday surprise bbq...

Why did I said surprise bbq???
Well its simple cos' he didn't know anything about this birthday bbq...
Who organised it?
None other than his beloved girlfriend miao yan...
So sweet of her man...
Went all out to make her boyfriend happy...
She contacted us a few weeks ago to join...
And on the day itself, she reach damn early like 12+ to book the shelter behind the parkway NTUC...
And 4+ then went to buy all the food with another friend only...
So hardworking man...
Kehao sure is a lucky man ya...
How I wish my girlfriend will do such things too...
Its really sweet man... romantica desu ne....
And I love surprises too... Hahaa...

2nd... Last Monday...

Got a nights off from our superior again....
Went chinatown for dinner and shop around the CNY bash market...
Guess what... nothing much this year... every shop seems to be selling the same things...
BTW... Guess another thing... I've FOUND the chinatown complex that sell those peanut paste, almond paste, black sesame paste and yam paste... woohoo... Finally I found where the shop moved to... Am gonna go there have my dessert again... haha... Plus I too found the claypot rice that I used to have in the same place when I was really young... COOL... finding them just get me excited man... haha...
Ooohhh.... Claypot rice and peanut paste... Wait for me... I'll come and eat you soon... Lol...

Lastly... Yesterday....

Had another Cha Dian group gathering again... Wanted to have dinner at V8 but they couldn't find space for 12 people... so we went to a steamboat shop opposite shaw tower...
The steamboat is cheap... only $12.... and there's quite alot of varieties... Nice too...
I love their noodles and the fu zhou fishball... its so nice... and the soup is nice too...
Got ma la soup and chicken soup... both are nice...
Ha... found another nice steamboat place other than marina bay... Lol...
Gonna intro to my other friends too...
After dinner we just chilled at Ritz... but by 1130pm all started going home.. kinda bored... as I don't feel like going back so early... But what to do... all wanna go back so I too have to... Hope our next outing got events after dinner...
Wow... Vincent mentioned about joining the Poly 50... But then I can't run like before liao... Sigh... don't know should join not... cos' I don't wanna make them loose la... Anyway I'll start training now... Poly 50 wait for me... I'm gonna conquer you... Wooohooo...

NTR = Nothing To Report

2007-01-26T20:27:00.001+08:00

Haha.... NTR???

Fat hope... If so... I won't even bother to log in...
Haha...
In fact... kinda NTR... Cos' am super tired lately...
Everyday in camp, wake up at 7.30am can report to workshop by 8am.
Once there I'll fall ASLEEP till lunch time!!! Ha... Its been like this for liek 3 days straight...
Don't know why I'm so tired... even though I've been sleeping early... like say... before 11.30pm
Maybe I'd contracted with some sleeping disease or sleeping spell... HA...

Anyway today was a busy and yet tiring day... REAL tiring... Cos' there's like only 4 of us...
available in the workshop... and we're told to attach to some 89LSG to change track...
Man... the track is like nearly 200kg and there's only 4 of us to do the job...
Though we were able to complete everything by ourselves... but its damn tiring...
compared to having 6-8people for the job... Anyway we were lucky that one of the
warrant Spec came to help us... Phew... if not we couldn't book out even at 1730.

That's all for today... cos' am totally shag out from the track thingy... Gonna knock in early today too...

Btw... monday we requested nights off from staff kumar... And Alan, Benjamin and I went vivocity... Cos' I wanted to buy a DVD player for the bunk so that we could watch movies and dramas... Had our dinner at food repulic... Don't know why everytime I step into the vivocity's food repulic, there's always this headache of what to choose to eat... in the end I had myself a ban mian... After we went to shop around and we got ourselves some movies and drama to bring to watch... And I got the DVD player for only $49 at Big Megastore at harbour front... Very cheap... Haha... Cool... Been watching Gokusen since monday... gonna finish it next monday or tuesday I guess... then we'll start watching Beach Boys... haha... I know they are old japanese drama... But are nice... nicer than korean drama for me... Lol...

Gotta end here... Gotta knock in soon... So soo sooo soooo... Tired.... *YAWN* :O

Am soo soo... happy with my life now...
Free from all the stupid problems...
Enjoying at home... COOL...!!!

2007-01-21T01:48:00.000+08:00

What I look for in a girl...

Well... Hmmm.... let me think...

- Definitely she must not be too short... At least a 1.60m (5'5) so I won't have problem
hugging her... haha...

- Not too young... The most is 3 years younger than me...

- About figure... just a slight hour-glass shape would be perfect. But its not that important...
As long she's not that fat will do... And for the boobs any also can la... ha...
Hopefully is abit toned like atheletes ya... Its kinda cool ya...

- Looks doesn't matter as long I'm comfortable with looking at it...
And don't give me those piss off looks...

- Skin either tanned or fair also can but not too exaggerating can liao...

- Character wise... hmmm... the most important thing I look in a girl...
Definitely not an attitude problem lady... Cos am not a person who'll give in
easily... Especially when I'm not wrong... Not a pampered one... Cos' I'm not born
to pamper people... Then must be sweet, caring, concerning, understanding, filial...
Also don't act cute or pretty if you're not... Not a stubborn one who will never listen to
advices (cos people are showing concerns)...

- Not a person that is self-obsessed(especially those who think its noone's business to say her) and definitely not a smoker and not an alcoholic...

- Talented, intelletual, sporty, animals lover, not a flirt (cos they'll never faithful), know how to console bf, love walking on a date than taking bus or sit down and would change for the one she loves would be a plus...

Guess that's all that I could think off...

So any girls who think you are the above can drop me a message woah...
Haha...
Sugarmummy or sugarjiejie also can woah....
Haha...
Just kidding...

Don't know why I wrote all these stuffs...
Guess I'm bo liao...

Carefree...

2007-01-20T16:02:00.000+08:00

I'm so happy and relax and stressless and enjoying my day at home...

Its so carefree...

Haven't really stayed at home for quite sometime...

Should have done this since long ago...

Shouldn't have gone out most of the time...

cos' somehow its killing my pocket...

and left with like 100 till next pay day...

which is on the 10th feb

Gonna survive on bread now...

=_=

Suddenly just hope that my service is over...

I mean ORD...

And I can't wait to go NUS...

Gonna join the dance club... sports club... blah blah...

Gonna make friends with lotsa cool people...

People with attitude but not attitude problem...

people with style...

people that are rrreeeaalll hot...

reeaaalll sporty...

Ha...

COol man...

Life would be more fun...

hahaha....

Guess my new chapter of life would be lotsa fun...

Unlike the current one...

SO BORING!!!

Never met anything that is happening...

BORING!!!

Ns is just boring I guess...

Don't know why lotsa guys after got into Ns then realise the meaning of:

- family

- friends

- money

- love

- work

- study

- health

- ETC

By right all this you should have know at least by poly years...

around age 17 18...

If don't, its kinda retard...

(No offence to anyone)

HAaa....

Hmmm....

think I should end my this boring chapter of life today...

start a healthy lifestyle chapter by today...

until when school start then another new chapter will starts...

Its way better than just living through this boring chapter till

ORD...

Haahaha...

I'm so carefree....

CARE---FREE!!!

WoooHooo...!!!

DDDuuudddeee....

Patience

2007-01-19T23:19:00.000+08:00

Just have a little, patience

I'm still hurting from a love i lost,
I'm feeling your frustration,
Then maybe all the pain will stop,
Just don't be close inside your arms tonight,
dont be to hard on my emotions

(Chorus)
Cause i, need time,
My heart is numb has no feeling,
So while im still healing,
Just try and have a little patience,

I really wanna start over again,
I know u wanna be my salvation,
The one that i can always depend,

I'll try to be strong, believe me,
I'm trying to move on,
It's complicated but understand me,

Cause I need time,
My heart is numb has no feeling,
So while im still healing,
Just try and have a little patience,

Yeah, have a little patience, Yeah

Cause this scar runs so deep,
Its been hard,
But i have to believe me,

Have a little patience,
Have a little patience,

Cause i, i just need time,
My heart is numb has no feeling,
So while im still healing,
just try, and have a little patience,

Have a little patience,
My heart is numbe has no feeling,
So while i'm still healing
just try and have a little... Patience

I just love this song...

Greatest Regret...

2007-01-19T23:02:00.000+08:00

Sigh...

I think I lost myself a friend...
Someone I cherished most...
First time ever in my life...
Maybe what I said had reached with a wrong telepath...
Maybe What I tried to mean had never been phrase properly...
I don't know...
Regrets...
Heartbreak....
Feels like dying?
Argh...
Just HATE myself...
HATE my life...
Why must these kind of things happens to me?
Maybe I had asked for them...
ARGH FUCK!!!!(2nd time I swear in here)
DAMN IT!!!
How I wish we're like before...
Just normal friends...
Happy happy chill out at one corner and chit chat...
But I know it will never come through anymore...
Cos you'll not talk to me anymore...
and may even forget about me...
But I still wanna say sorry for whatever I said that had got on your nerve...
But still I wanna bless you for your future...
God Bless You...

Sigh...

Regrets... regrets... regrets... regrets... regrets....
Greatest regrets of my life...
I swear I'll never let it happen again...
I swear...

:_(

My Seduction Style

2007-01-19T20:05:00.000+08:00

Hahaha... Guess I'm really bad...
Cool...

My Reply...

2007-01-18T19:15:00.000+08:00

Well... well...

Guess what... Its me here again...

This will be dedicated to someone...

You will know who you are when you read my blog...

Firstly... About wednesday....

Its okay.... to fly kite on me...

I'm cool with it...

I'm really cool with it...

I must be cool...

In fact... actually I'm pissed...

Truthfully...

Cos' the reason you gave me was:

"I'm tired... no mood... blah blah..."

Maybe its true...

But I just hate these excuses...

Cos' I'd been having such excuses for the last decade of my life...

I'm a damn... straight forward person...

If you don't wanna go, just say it out...

Don't like last minute and give me such excuses...

I hate it when people did that...

It just ruin my planning for the day and my mood...

Cos' my secondary school friends had been doing that...

Even now... sometimes...

I thought you ain't like one of them...

But I'm wrong... you're kinda like them...

Am really kinda pissed and disappointed...

But I gotta be cool...

I must...

Cos' I know if I get RrreeaallL pissed off...

I'll get nasty...

And I hate that...

It make me feels old too...

Secondly... I gotta apologize...

Cos' I think I'm at wrong to have asked you...

I think I shouldn't have asked you...

Cos' things wouldn't become like now...

So... Cold....

And... maybe you're right...

We might not be suitable...

Cos'...

we'll seems to be of different world...

You're like the red hot devil...

And...

I'm like the devil with holy crest...

Cos' you pon school and I don't even if its 30mins...

And you're those that won't change for anyone...

As for me... I will... but not to the extent of losing my dignity...

Next is... you're a pampered rich man's daughter...

Who get everything paid for by money given from parents...

Where else I'm a poor man's son...

Who earn all his money himself and a thrifty one...

At times... I kinda hate it when you say you don't have enough to use...

When you like get 1k+ per month

and I get 540 per month only...

Maybe that's how rich people think...

Lastly...

About someone deep in your heart...

I too have one...

Its been 6 years... And I still have this feeling for this girl...

A feeling that no girl can give me...

I know that myself...

(The girl I said I saw at esplanade link that day)

And I too compared her with other girls...

Maybe this is why till now I never had a real girlfriend...

And there's no such thing as curse in this world...

The only curse would be... is your mind...

The power that control you...

If you think the relationship gonna be unstable...

Then it will be...

Cos' I know...

My thoughts was like that before...

And I let quite a few good girls walk passed my life...

But now I know its wrong to think that way...

It'll make you miserable...

And now I've stepped out of that thought...

It'll make you slightly happier...

You can too man...

Its not that hard...

Maybe its hard... cos' girls are wishy-washy...

Sigh...

Maybe what your ex said was true...

Cos' maybe only rich guy like him can make you happy...

To be able to effort all those meals at high class restaurants...

And all those branded goods you love...

Unlike me... only can afford hawker food most of the time...

A place you hate most...

Sigh...

Anyway... Better than having 2 people getting moody all day long...

I think its better for one to be moody...

So... We'll just be friends...

It'll be better off...

Happier...

Less moody...

More smiley...

And it won't spoil anyone's day...

So I decided...

With this solution...

I'll shall not sms you as often as before...

I'll shall not ask you out as often as before...

Simple as... Been INVISIBLE...

But you know what...

Though am gone invisible...

I'm still around you when you have problems...

Or when you need someone to talk to kill time...

But I guess you won't even sms me and ask why...

Or call me to talk and share problems...

Even after reading this article...

Cos' I know you have this group of good friends you have...

To share everything under the sun...

As for me...

I'll just hide all my feelings away for now to myself alone...

And God Bless You for your future...

Be it Career, Studies or Love...

Things I thought of...

2007-01-17T19:05:00.000+08:00

Lately... I've been thinking alot...

What was I thinking of?

Many many stuffs...

Future, Relationship, Money(not really an issue), What school to go?, Etc...

Firstly... Future...

What I wanna be had always been in my mind ever since I

was little... the dream of becoming a Ecologist...

I wanna help all the animals in the world...

Cos' human have enough humans to help them...

Whereas animals only have enough humans KILLING them...

Sorry... Am kinda angry with humans...

Humans are such irritating, self-less and wishy-washy mammals in the whole planet...

Maybe you all think that I'm a phycho for kinda hates human beings...

Well You All Are CORRECT!!!

I'm a PYSCHOPATH!!!

HAHAHA!!!

Sorry back to the main point...

As now I couldn't see myself going oversea

for studies so I couldn't enlist in Bachelor of Ecology

So am kinda confuse of what should I do now...

what route should I take so I could be happy about my job in the future

and bringing enough money and happiness for my family...

Sigh...

What to do... who ask me born in a not rich man's son family...

And its kinda related to my what school to go problem...

Cos' none of the courses interest me in this bloodly Singapore Society...

Such little room for us to explore...

Sigh...

Problematic to live here...

Pay so low... and expenses keep increasing....

Die Ah....!!!

About Relationship...

Just that I'm thinking what I am in certain person heart...

Anyway what I gonna say is what I felt lately...

Might not be true in the person heart...

But still that's how I feel...

I've been feeling that I don't make a great chatterbox now like before...

I'm feeling that there's this huge ice block been stuffed between us...

I just feel that we seems to have lesser topics to talk about

when we're out... maybe is was me... I don't know...

And sometimes I feel that I'm nothing to you...

like the air(not oxygen) you walk through; invisible to you...

Cos' I never receive sms from you first now...

which I used to received.

I misses the time we talked on phone...

once you actually called me on your will

I was like happy cos' I can actually share something...

(Problem?)

How I wish you would call me to share your problems...

That's what friends for right?

But all I get is just some accidental pressed calls...

Just sms-es also will do...

Maybe you're busy...

Maybe I think too much...

Hopefully everything was just my imaginations...

What the hell... you just think too much la...

Get a hang of yourself dude...

Snap out of it man!

Thinking....

2007-01-14T21:43:00.000+08:00

Am Thinking...

About What?

I don't know...

Lotsa Stuffs in my head lately...

Guess My hair gonna grow White Soon...

Simple Life?

2007-01-14T01:28:00.000+08:00

Actually I don't feel like blogging today...

But I don't know why I ended up here...

I totally felt nothing today...

Think I'm dead...

Maybe my body ain't but my soul is...

Oh Well...

Hmm...

Suddenly I have the thought of...

"I Wanna Live A Simple Life"

Don't know why...

Maybe I spent too much lately...

I don't know...

I can't feel now...

Felt so dead...

Sorry if I bore you....

+_+

Btw... you look beautiful on wednesday night...

most posting...

2007-01-12T23:38:00.000+08:00

Today is my most posting...

I don't know why...

Maybe there's alot of things I wanna say...

But I don't know what to start from and how to phrase them up...

Sigh...

2007 is really a different from 2006...

2006 is much simple and quiet...

2007 is really a difficult year...

Just the start I already have ups and downs...

Guess its a test for me...

a test of many many things...

I must pass this test that is been set for me...

Cos' its for my survivor and well-being...

and it will allow me to become an actual man...

I'm just a young man without enough experience

in life now...

So no matter what I must pass this test...

in order to become happier and a better man...

I wanna change....

I really wanna change...

Cos' I hate myself for being too concern and caring

in the end ended up as irritating pest..

I hate myself for being too quiet and let opportunities fly away...

I hate myself for being too straight forward in words...

I hate myself for being so poor that I couldn't affors

all the stuffs I want...

I wanna change....

I wanna become less concern and caring so I won't become irritating...

I wanna become more outspoken and grap hold of all opportunities...

I wanna become less straight forword in words so people won't

think that I'm complaining when I'm not!!!

I wanna become richer...

YES! RICHER!!!

I will work my ass hard enough to become rich!!!

So I could afford whatever I want...

And don't need be thrifty and become known as stingy!!!

I'm just THRIFTY!!! NOT STINGY!!!

Its hell of a 2 different things...

I save and GIVE!!!

Not save and KEEP!!!

Sigh...

Until now... still no one understand me...

No even my friends of 10 years!!!

Sadly...

Why Man First?

2007-01-12T22:11:00.000+08:00

Why Man First?

Someone actually asked me this...

And I thought and thought...

I finally came out why...

I finally can put my thoughts into words...

Actually got the slogan from a T-shirt I bought...

And it gave me the idea of my blog name...

Man First...

Why?

Cos' Man have to be the first to

1. protect their country (though I hate army)

2. protect their love ones

3. open the door for the lady

4. reach on a date

5. say I Love You

6. and Will You Marry Me...

Nights Off Day...

2007-01-12T10:04:00.000+08:00

Today I didn't went home like the usual me...

on a wednesday night...

Cos' in me... that's something I wanna say...

and ask...

So I dated Jen out again...

I don't know why...

I just love hanging out with her...

I had never felt this happy when go out before...

Just love this kind of feelings...

(I love Warmth)

Well... I reached city hall mrt station early as usual...

Lol...

Well I don't like to be late...

and am a person who hate to be in a rush too...

So I like to get things planned way ahead of schedule...

Anyway...

I went to Raffle's City B1 and came across a shop

selling chocolate fondant...

so I bought 2...

Yup... then went Carl's Junior for dinner...

Had myself a Western Bacon Cheesebuger meal...

and for Jen...

A super BIG Superstar meal...

She couldn't finish the meal like what I had thought...

Hahaha...

Had a Little chill out at the river side at Esplanade...

there we chatted lotsa stuffs...

mostly rubbish I guess...

haha...

Never mind... It was happy...

And we had our chocolate fondant...

And you know what...

I still can't appreciate chocolates...

The feeling of them melting and swimming inside

of my mouth made me feels weird...

and eating them made my stomach

upset somehow...

I'll try my best to love it...

If I could...

Haha...

On the way back... at the tunnel...

Guess who I saw...

I saw someone whom I sort of love since I was

Sec 4 ( though we had never steady before)

A girl I had never be able to forget the feeling I had

towards her till now...

(kinda Ci Qing right me??? Lol...)

Anyway I know we'll never be one...

And she has herself a loving boyfriend now...

I'll always wish them happiness forever... :D

I'm more sensible now :)

And now I've found myself the true one...

And I really hope we could be one...

I gotta wait for the answer now...

Cos' I asked...

Tell you something...

I somehow felt that I might not have chance

Cos' Am not the type you desired...

Am not the style you like...

a...

an..

and.

am not rich enough...

why?

Cos' I know I can't really afford

the things you like...

How I wish I'm richer...

In fact this thought is in my mind for quite sometime...

I know money is not important...

Sincerity is...

So I had been trying really hard...

really hard...

how I wish I could touch you through the heart...

OH! Lord! Please Give Me The Strenght!

I really wish I have the chance to make you happy...

Please give me the chance...

I'll try to be the very best...

I know I can't confirm how good I can be...

cos' I never step into this thing before...

But I'll try my very best...

I swear!!!

1000%

-_-

Am I crazy???

2007-01-09T00:29:00.000+08:00

Mood swing...

What the hell happened to me again???

Argh!!!

I just mumble some rubbish to someone...

Jeez...

How did I started that in the first place...

Why did I type those stuffs...

Maybe I'm afraid... afraid of what???

I don't know...

Maybe cos' when I needed someone to talk to the most...

noone was there for me...

but with others...

Jeez...

Maybe I know the exact reason why... But I don't wanna admit...

Jeez....

Man's Ego...

Argh... F***!!!

Jeez...

Am I going crazy or what?

I think I am...

Can someone just hit me...

punch me... kick me...

whatever LA!!!

1st down day of my life in 2007

2007-01-08T21:45:00.000+08:00

Down Down Down...

I'm feeling damn down yesterday...

Sigh...

My first ever depression day in 2007

I asked my dad will he allow me to go New Zealand to study,

know what's the answer he gave me...

"Sell house lor..."

Simply mean "NO"

I was so devastated with the answer...

Cos' he said see how before...

Sigh...

My dream... my lifelong dream is gone just like this...

the passion for the nature and wildlifes...

the passion of become an ecologist...

all gone...

though I know I still can do my part here...

But its totally different in Singapore...

the opportunities is so little

almost equivalent to none...

I really wish I can work in the wild like what late Steve Irwin did...

I wanna be like him...

Save the endangered species...

I could even die for them...

the passion he had...

is what I have...

Things will never be the same if I'm to study locally...

I'll never be happy about my job...

Everything will be so dead fix and boring...

Down Down Down...

And why isn't there anyone that understand me???

always I need someone to hear my problems...

always I'll have my problems compared with others...

At times my good job also been compared to others...

Why must my everything be compared everytime???

I HATE it! I HATE it!! And I HATE it!!!

Why can't they just focus on ME only???

Why must they always involve others into me???

Can't they just show care & concern towards me only???

Can't they just ignore others?

Argh!!!

No one... Just No one in this world understand what I want & need...

Care & concern towards me only...

Its so simple yet no one show me before...

This is the worse part...

Not even my parents do...

My mum ain't that bad at least she talks to us...

My dad...

his just goddamn quiet...

He always complain about stuffs which he never take action about...

Example...

He always complain about my sister spending too much $$$

he just won't talk to her... he'll just nag at my mum...

Shouldn't a father talks to his child...

be it good or bad topics...

Right? Am I right??? Tell me if I'm wrong...

As I grew older... sometimes I feel that he doesn't fit to be a dad...

I had never had a talk with him...

He had never ask us whether everything is okay...

To me a dad should be a role model to his child

sharing things together...

be it saddness or happiness...

Just any problems...

But my dad never did...

his always to himself...

Am really sad about this...

If I'm a dad in future...

I'll never let this happens...

not wanting my kids be like me...

Hoping them to be happier than I am when I'm young...

Sigh...

Don't know why I said so much today...

I had never open up things like this before...

This is the first time...

Guess I couldn't take it anymore...

Stored too much inside of me...

Always had to cry inside my heart...

Guess soon I'll just cry in front of everyone...

Depression seems to be part of my life now...

I just hate myself...

my LIFE...

:_(

School of Scoundrels

2007-01-06T00:37:00.000+08:00

Ha...

Today went Vivo City Golden Village to watch School of Scoundrels...

Well I got the ticket free from a contest

so I asked Jen to watch with me...

Lol...

I think I haven't watch movie in a cinema for like a year?

haha...

long right???

Lol...

Before the show starts...

we went to SuperDog

to have our dinner...

I had a SuperDog and Jen got a Fresh Chicken Burger

The Hotdog Was like damn shiok la...

So.. big... and Yummy!!!

Haha...

I just love hotdogs...

ya...

Anyway the movie was like damn funny la...

the first half I was laughing all the way...

till I could my tummy cramping...

haha...

Well... I've been thinking about something lately...

Had been thinking about something someone

might be thinking too right now...

Should I ask or Should I not???

Am kinda afraid of the outcome...

I want the best and not the worse...

I hate all the negatives stuffs in the world that's why I want the best...

in everything I do...

So should I ask or should I not...

How???

Can someone tell me???

Maybe I'll give it a go when time is right...

Sigh...

2007 New Year Eve

2007-01-01T21:58:00.000+08:00

2007 Countdown woah...

Best countdown ever...

Had steamboat at Marina Bay and Fireworks at Shear Bridge...

Jeez... Had never felt so Xin Fu (lucky)

Feel like crying now... Haha... you wish...

I'll never cry....

Lol...

Went steamboat with Jen and Andrew...

And wow... by the time we reach zhen fa, the place was packed with people...

spend about 30mins minutes searching for table...

and another 30mins for plates...

By the time we started our steamboat, its like 8.15pm...

Am was so hungry... ya... dunno what about Andrew and Jen

Think they're hungry too...

Hey... sorry if I've shown the pissed off face woah...

cos' I just couldn't stand waiting...

Am kinda impatience kind of person...

Oh well... we still manage to have our food...

But the whole steamboat I didn't had any HotDogs!!!

Luckily I'm still able to have my siew mai...

Thanks Jen... for getting them for me...

If not I think I'll be damn low...

Thanks woah...

Love ya...

haha...

Anyway had fun together eating...

And why you 2 so fast full...

still can eat somemore de woah...

haha...

And ya... told ya... I'll sure see fire everytime I came...

Sure see some idiot gets their stove on fire...

And last night was the most I seen in a night...

Haha...

After our dinner...

We walk all the way to the shear bridge for fireworks....

But it started to rain...

and I thought our hope of watching the fireworks will be gone...

But luckily, its just a small and short rain that lasted for about 10mins?

Walk all the way to the end of the marina park...

Its a better place to watch fireworks than esplanade

as its not so crowded over here...

The view was spectacular...

Awesome!!!

All the fireworks was like right in front of us...

Beautiful...

Lol...

Jen, Andrew & I

(on the Shear Bridge)

Such Spectacular sight right???

After that we went to boat quay's coffee bean to get some drink

and went to find a seat and sit down...

There we started talking cock...

what ever nonesense that came to our mind we just say it out...

just like what Jen and I did the day before...

Haha...

While we went searching for drinks...

We went across a street with lotsa pubs...

and there's so many drunkens, all vomitting along the roadside...

How disgusting man...

And lotsa "Bengs & Lians" on the street too and its kinda havoc

cos' guys are touching girls everywhere...

Didn't know such street existed in Singapore... If a girl ever walk alone...

I think the girl will be in danger...

But lucky Jen was with us... Andrew and me...

Dunno why... Once I stepped into this street my protection towards Jen grew...

Was like eyeing on everyone that walk near her... and was trying to walk real near her...

Guess if she's my girlfriend, I'll hold her hand and hug her near me...

But well she's not... So all I could do was stay near her and eye on te other guys...

We ended the day with a first train back home...

Glad that everyone was back home safely...

By the way... Sometimes I just love teasing you Jen...

cos' when I tease you, you'll smile and I love seeing you smile...

Meaning you're happy... So I love teasing you... Lol...

And Andrew sometimes your topic was like "Cheem"

Haha...

Anyway Love the company of you 2...

Love ya 2...

Such fine day...

2006-12-31T11:21:00.000+08:00

Woo.... Yesterday I went out for dinner...

With who?

Guess...

Well...

I'm with Jen...

Made me wait lor... Good woah...

Late le still can just buy ice cream eat woah...

Best...

haha...

Anyway... Am a very kind person so not angry at all...

While waiting I went kinokuniya to read up some books...

Don't know why... books just make me feels like I'm in heaven...

But too bad the books in Singapore are always so expensive...

that I could only take a glance on the new titles...

After we met, we went to eat wan ton mee...

opposite the mos burger...

Done eating...

We walk our way to Esplanade

And there, a guy gave us a silver wishing card

and we made a wish...

I didn't get to see Jen's

But she got to see mine...

Hmmph!!!

Oh well... let it be a mystery then...

Then we went all the way to boat quay and sat there

talking cock...

thanks hor...

call me uncle...

Anyway thanks for companying me and listen

to my nonesense and blah blah blah...

Haven't really talk so much in a long time woah...

Arigato Gozaimasu...

22nd Birthday...

2006-12-08T22:57:00.000+08:00

It's my 22nd birthday today...

Met up with my China trip friends (back in polytechnic)

Though its a pity that some of them wasn't able to make it

cos' its somewhat a gathering too...

At first I wanted to bring them to Fisherman's Whraf to eat,

but the waitress has attitude problem and they don't

have the countesy of helping us finding a seat...

We're like kinda pissed so we went to clarke quay instead

and we ended up at Almafi Pizza

We ordered 3 pizzas and they all have their own unique taste..

best of all they're all nice...

Worth the try!!!

Ya...

After that we went to the chocolate factory to have so chocolate desserts

Wow... I haven't take chocolate since ages ago...

Some photos of the event...

Me enjoying the Pizza

Xiao Hui & GuoWei

Vincent & YanWen

Xiao Hui & I

The unprepared us...

The more prepared us... (vincent thanks for being the camera man)

I was so embarrassed from them singing birthday song to me... ( Thanks to my friends la...)

Me Making Wish...

My Tiramisu Birthday Cake...

Thanks For Celebrating My Birthday & Thanks For The Wallet

I'm Lovin' It

Lol...

Bangkok Trip

2006-12-07T21:08:00.000+08:00

Was away to Bangkok from 30/11/06 to 04/12/06

Its was my first time to Thailand though...

was totally excited about the trip cos' am a person that love to travel

and learn the culture of the country I visited...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

30/11/06

The day of my flight...

my flight was at 9.30pm so gotta check in by 7.30pm

reached the airport at 6pm with my family and waited for my brother and sister-in-law.

Look... I was so bored that I took photo of myself...
So don't say I "Zi Lian" ok.... Am just bored...
Here's another photo that I took...
Its of a X'mas Tree that was inside
the Terminal 1 after check-in...
Yup... Its nice right??? With all the white
flowers and the blue and pink butterflies...
How I wish I could have it home and display and invite all my friends to my house for celebration... Hahaha.... But then I don't think I'll be celebrating any X'mas cos' I had never really had one though... Really wish that someone would invite me over to their house and have fun together.... Ya... so... anyone wanna celebrate can just ask me along... Am more than willingly... hahaa....
Well when I reached Bangkok it was like 11plus in the night... near midnight...
The first thing amazed me was the size of the airport... Its damn huge...
I think its even bigger than our airport with all its terminals added...
Look at the size... the space... its just part of the arrival hall... Ha... The last three people are my father, sister and brother... Lol...
Look at the amount of taxi waiting outside... And they are all in a mess... No wonder they have awful jams all year long...Geez....
By the time we reached the hotel it was already 1+am in the morning...

Bai Yoke Sky II (Hotel we stayed in)

Photos of the room that I slept in during the trip...

Look at the size man... Its damn spacious... this is the first hotel

that I slept in had such space...

Guess Thailand's land is really free of charge... Wahaha...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

01/12/06

My First breakfast in Bangkok

What polluted sky they have... Can't see much man...

Such heavy traffic... *Gosh* It took us 30mins to travel 3km in a cab...

Nice Right??? They actually had plant done up on every floor of the shopping mall... I guess Singapore should improve in this area... Its just damn nice man...

The nicest X'mas Tree I ever seem... Gorgeous isn't it??? With blue lightings on the X'mas tree... And white lightings on the Rain Deers.... Magnificent!!! Marvelous!!! Its nicer than the one we had back in Changi Airport Terminal 1... Wish I could have it too... Lol...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

02/12/06

Guess Who??? Its me La!!! Freak... I was down with food poisoning... that I had to stay in the hotel room for the whole day sleeping!!! Freak!!! All because of the Pamelon that I ate the night before... Geez!!! I wasted my whole day for shopping for sleeping due to this dumb food poisoning... Total crap man... Luckily I was well enough the other day for some shopping at chacucha and mabukong shopping mall... But am like a half zombie walking around the street... totally spoilt my whole trip... Am gonna come back again for more vengence!!!! Wahahah!!!!!

----------------------------------------------------------------

03/12/06

Found this interesting thing... Never Give Up Shopping!!! Isn't it cute...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

04/12/06

Can you guess what this is???

Well the answer is Air-con cum speaker...

The whole departure waiting area is filled with this thing...

Though its Air-con, but the whole airport is damn hot... Wanna know why???

Cos' all these Air-con are installed are ground level... which is dumb cos' as you know hot air rises... So by installing them on the ground doesn't help cool the hot air on top... plus its hardly turned on!!! If you don't believe its on the ground or its an Air-con... Look at this you will believe....

So do you see the Air-con Vent above... Yeah its an Air-con for sure...

Dumb right the Design... Though its nice but its useless unless its turned on fully...

Photo of dusk above the Malaysia Land... Isn't it nice with the moon around... And that's my flight... SwissAir... :)

Home Sweet Home.....

Back Track to Bro's Wedding...

2006-12-06T00:22:00.000+08:00

111106...
The day my brother is no longer single and available... haha...
Cos' its his big day... His... WEDDING...
Mr David Kwa and Ms Joanne Tan
Ha...
Am like so happy for him...
Now I'm just waiting for my sister's turn and then mine...
But then it should be my sis first cos' she's older and I haven't yet

found my the other part....
Lol....
Maybe when I do... 10 years had past...
haha...
Anyway... It was quite an experience for me on the wedding day...
I was asked to be one of my Groom's brother
Know what that position does???
Well its like you have to company the Groom to fetch the bride very early in the morning... And when you're at the gate of the bride's house,
you will be humiliate and played with together with the Groom
by the Bride's sisters...
Then they'll open the door for us...
But it was fun...
haha...
We got humiliated by wearing disposable panty that have a letter drawn on it...
which in all 5 pieces make out....
" I Love You"
With that it hasn't end...
Next is fear factor...
Eating bread with small spicy chilli...
And its damn HOT!!!
And we had to eat 2!!!
The worse was yet to come....
the horror is the Ku Gua which they dunno soak in vinegar and don't know what shit that taste really like shit...
Its damn awful... You won't wanna try I swear...
Finally we got in after giving a hongbao of $288...
That's alot of money man...
And i thought its over but my brother still have to complete the task his wife had setted for him... then he can win her over...
The test was.....
Singing....
haha....
my brother couldn't sing at all
but his still manage to get through by his heart not by his singing...
hahaha....
I'm so evil....
Wahahaha.....

Me In Holiday Inn

Parents and Sister

The Newly Wedded Couple...

Menu of the Day...

Am only able to caught these few photos of the food... I missed

2 of them though...

Braised Bird's Nest With Crabmeat, Conpoy & Winter Melon

Sauteed Scallop & Chicken Slice with Broccoli

Steamed Star Garoupa with Superior Soya Sauce

Braised Sliced Jaded Abalone & "Ling Zhi" Mushroom

with Spinach in Superior Oyster Sauce

Fried Rice with Dried Meat Wrapped in Lotus Leaf

Cute Couple Keychain... Aren't it cute....

I know its been Donkey Years...

2006-12-05T21:55:00.000+08:00

I know its been DONKEY Years!!!

How had it been since i last blogged? Well i can't really remember... I only know that its since October... Wow!!! that's long... Cos' its December now...

haha....

That's why am back here to blog again....

In fact there's reason of me stopped blogging for so long...

Welll... main reason is that my internet adapter for my own com is down... so am unable to access internet using my com... And there's lotsa stuffs in it...

And its still down till now...

Am now using my sister's old com which doesn't have any photos of mine... and its damn slow and laggy....

But for the sake of blogging... I have to bear with this slow com and the trouble of transferring my photos here for my blog...

And I have TONS of stuffs to talk about...

1. Update on my newly painted room... Lol...

2. My Brother's Wedding on 111106...

3. My trip to Bangkok 30th Nov - 4th Dec 06...

That's all I guess...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A Newly Painted Room...

A Much Spacious and Neater Room...

My bed...

That's my Current room now... :)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Its been 2 weeks....

2006-10-29T01:56:00.001+08:00

Wow....

Its been 2 weeks since i last blogged...

Guess I should say sorry man...

Had been really busy painting my room for the past 2 weeks...

And now i'm done with the painting... but am still left with

the moving of the furniture and arrangement

and clearing away unwanted

SHITS..!!!

LOL...

And my brother's wedding is like 2 weeks times... and i gotta clear them soon...

Look at the space between my bed and wardrobe...

Damn... Narrow...

The Messy look of my Room with comics all Over...

Half Painted Walls....

Guess i could totally rest when i fly to Bangkok for holiday

hahaha....

Can't wait for that day to come...

Hadn't been oversea for like ages, though i went india with SAF

from Feburary to March...

lol...

And its like so damn late now... gotta catch some

MACHO... sleep

haha...

Later...

Will promise to post up some photos for you guys...

Till then... tata...